While I was out...

My darlings. I’ve been neglecting you, and I’m so sorry. The Agent has been hogging my computer every night, which has made reading all of your lovely blogs very difficult. I barely have had time to write my own stuff.

So, we’ve been house hunting, and that’s why The Agent has been on the computer every night. I think I originally told you that The Agent’s company was moving to Illinois, and we were debating on whether or not to follow the company. We decided that our ties to family were stronger, and we’re going to stay here in California (this decision is subject to change without notice-- it has already changed 18 million times).

So, The Agent has about a year left with his company, and then he won’t have a job. Now, you may be thinking, “If The Agent is about to lose his job, it might be a silly time to buy a house, Lovely.” Well, it just so happens that I live in the foreclosure capital of the world. The houses are astronomically cheap right now. We can get a house the same size and in a comparable neighborhood to what we have now, but for way less than what we pay now.

So, we’re downsizing. And we need to do it now, while we still have two incomes.

We have been looking at many, many, MANY houses, much more than when we bought this house. We bought the third house we walked through eight years ago. We’ve looked through ten houses this time, driven by countless others, and still haven’t found the right one.

But I think we’re getting close.

There are two houses I’m liking right now.

The first one we’ll call the Eagle House. It’s a red hot mess. It needs new paint and carpets before we could even move in. The shower would need about 7 gallons of bleach. The square footage is the same as what we have now, but it’s a 3 bedroom (we have 4 bedrooms now), so we’d be losing the extra room that we use for storage. But I like the house because of the location, and because it’s dirt cheap, and because since it needs new paint and floors, I can install whatever I want, instead of taking what I get.

The other one is move in ready. New paint, new carpets, new appliances. Granite counter tops. Big backyard. Four HUGE bedrooms. Even the kids would have their own walk in closets. It’s definitely a nicer house than what we have now, although the neighborhood isn’t any better. The only thing I don’t like about the house is that in order to get to the downstairs bathroom, you’d have to walk through the kitchen. You’d think that the contractor would have recognized that guests should not have to walk through a dirty kitchen in order to get to the bathroom. But I can live with that. The main problem is that it’s 50K more than the Eagle house.

We wouldn’t have to do 50K worth of work on the Eagle house, so we’d save money by living there. We really don’t need 4 bedrooms, so we could just down size a bit and we’d be able to fit in just  fine. The Eagle house is in a nicer neighborhood , and they always say that location is the most important part of choosing a new house.

But still. Those four massive bedrooms are calling to me. Bug could fit her bed in her closet, it’s so big.

But 50 grand more. And we’ll only have one income, and no promise of another job. We could afford it, but it would be tight.

Ugh. Decisions, decisions…. What would you do?

30 days of me

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

I’m not really that in to music. You are more likely to find Bug’s greatest hits in my car than my own. But I do have a few favorites:

Fun Songs to crank up during the summer: All Summer Long (Kid Rock), Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf), Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison), Pop (yes, by ‘N-sync),

Songs that remind me of previous relationships: So Cruel (U2), Lisa (Bowling for Soup), Wicked Game (Chris Isaac), Faithfully (Journey-- OK, this one reminds me of my current relationship… it’s the first song The Agent and I danced to)

Songs that always make me tear up: All at Once (Whitey Houston), Total Eclipse of the Heart (Bonnie Tyler), The Best Day (Taylor Swift), There goes my Life (Kenny Chesney), Bless The Broken Road (Rascal Flatts), Skin (also by Rascal Flatts)

What songs do like to hear and when?

More 30 days of me:

Day One

Day Two 

Day Three

Day Four

Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven
Day Eight
Day Nine

The Best Day Ever

Saturday morning, early

We're still in bed, and the kids are still asleep. "Agent, I have to tell you something," I say, snuggling up next to him. "You're going to think it's nutty, but I'm your wife, and you have to love me through the crazy."

"What is it?" The Agent asks.

I take a deep breath. "I'm a little worried about the rapture coming today."

The Agent chuckles. "Oh, Babe."

"I know, it's crazy. But I'm still worried."

"Honey, the rapture is not coming today. And even if it is coming today, we're certainly not going."

"Well, you're for sure not going. I'm still a question mark. I know I have trouble with my faith, but the Bibles says my faith only needs to be the size of a grain of sand. I'm counting on that."

The Agent says nothing.

"Anyway, that's not what I'm worried about," I continue. "It's the kids. They will for sure get raptured away. How am I going to live without them? I'm so selfish: how am I going to let them go without begging God to let them stay with me?"

A tear falls from my eye.

"Well," The Agent says. "We're just going to have to make sure our last day with them is the best day ever." The Agent gets out of bed and walks to the window. "It's a beautiful day today. Let's go out and make some memories."

So we did. We went out and had the best day ever.

As we should every day.

30 days of me

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

We’ve been having some discipline troubles with Bug lately. I’ve been wanting to beat the child silly. She doesn’t listen, she’s deviant, she’s 5. Such is life.

I’ve been to the child forums for advice, and the results were discouraging....
     * “Put her in time out.” Yeah, that’s what we do now. It doesn’t phase her. The only thing is does is make BK stick his nose in another corner, because he wants to be just like his sister.
     *“Take something away that she likes, like Barbies or video games.” Ummm, that won’t work. The only thing she really likes is art, particularly drawing. I have taken her art supplies away before, but it seems a shame to do it. I mean, I know I’m her mom and I'm biased, but she’s pretty dang talented. She draws a whole lot better than I do.
     *“Use a reward chart.” We’ve done this before, with mixed results. I think my prizes weren’t good enough, because she got to the point where she wasn’t even reminding me to give her the reward.

But I do believe in rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior, so here’s what I decided to do. I’m pretty proud of it, if I do say so myself. I made this chart:

Let me explain it just a bit.There are two sides: one for good behavior, and one for bad behavior. If she does something good, something that goes above and beyond, she gets a star. I’m not talking about “oh, goody, you brushed your teeth.” No, that’s stuff you’re supposed to do. I’m talking about getting up in the morning and getting ready without being told, or cleaning up your toys after you're done with them each night, or playing nicely with your brother. Stuff like that. If I think she’s really making an effort to do something, she’ll get a star. 5 stars gets a treat from the present bag: a box of crayons, bubbles, little stuff like that. If she gets 10 stars in a week, we’ll get McDonald’s in the morning on Friday. And if she’s a superstar and gets 15 stars in a week, we’ll spend the day at the park (I may have to rethink this. It might take all summer to get to the park!)

On the other side, there’s naughty stuff: getting caught telling a lie, fighting with BK, having to be told to do something more that twice. Any of these infractions will get an X. If she gets 2 X’s in a day, then she gets no dessert that night. 3 X’s in a day takes away her Friday night movie privileges (and Saturday night, if she’s naughty another night in the same week). 4 X’s in a day means she gets her art supplies taken away for 24 hours, and 5 X’s means she has to go straight to bed (I suspect it would only be possible for her to get 5 X’s on a weekend-- we’re just not home enough to get 5 X’s on a weeknight)

Does this make sense? I thought it was a way to reward really good choices and punish not so stellar choices, without being too specific. She just started it on this Sunday, so I can’t tell you how it’s working yet, but I will update you with the progress in a couple weeks. The chart is my prototype, I may change it at the end of 9 weeks, depending on how successful we are.

Let me know if you’ve ever tried this with your little one, or if you decide to try out now for the first time!

More 30 days of me:

Day One

Day Two 

Day Three

Day Four

Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven
Day Eight

When it's OK to Say...

So, all four of us were out in the backyard the other day after dinner, just hanging out. BK was in a folding lounge chair, being his cute self. Bug was kicking a ball around. The Agent was whispering to me about some of the naughty stuff he was going to do to me later, and I was pretending to be shocked.

Suddenly, BK felt the need to stand up in the chair. “BK, sit down on your bottom,” I warned. Instead of sitting down, BK grabbed the arm of the chair, and then took a nose dive over the edge, falling to the ground and causing the chair to topple over him.

“Oh, shit!” Bug yelled.

The Agent righted the chair and I scooped up BK. He was totally fine. After that crisis was diverted, we both looked at Bug. “What did you say?” The Agent asked.

“Shit.” Softer this time, she knows that’s not an ok word in this house.

“We do not say that word,” The Agent chastised.

“Well, Mommy says it.”

Mother of the year award, right here.

“Well, Mommy shouldn’t say that word, either,” I told Bug. “I’ve been working on not saying it anymore, but I’ll work harder. Deal?”

Deal. That was the end of it.

Except The Agent got all philosophical on me.

“You know,” The Agent said thoughtfully. “I don’t think shit is such a bad word. I’m not saying I want her saying it in front of other people, but it was very appropriate for the situation. What was she supposed to say? ‘Oh, darn, my brother just fell and cracked his head open. Oh, shucks.’ She gave the most appropriate response I can think of. It’s completely ok. Hey! You should blog about that! Blog about when it’s ok to say shit!”

So I did.

30 days of me

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Oh, good topic! As I read this, I realized I’m not very goal oriented. I have NO goals for the month. So, this is as good a time as any to start!

* Cut out all soda. I’ve been trying this for a week or two now, and I’ve been doing pretty good. I was drinking at least 1-2 sodas a day, and now I’ve cut it back to 2-3 sodas a week. Why yes, I am awesome. By the end of the month, I hope to quit soda entirely, and by the end of the summer, I hope to cut out coffee. But that’s in the future. Baby steps.

* Clean my bedroom. I am not the greatest housekeeper, as I believe I’ve mentioned before. I’m pretty good about cleaning the kitchen, living room, and guest bathroom… you know, the rooms that people see. Even the kids rooms stay pretty clean-- Bug’s because she has to clean it once a week, and BK’s because he only goes in his room to sleep. But my bedroom is a disaster. Seriously, you could film an episode of Hoarders in there. I need to throw everyone else out of the house and lock myself in there and really go to town.

* Lose 5 pounds. I don’t know what my problem is. I actually really tried to lose weight the last two weeks…. And instead of losing weight, I actually gained. I am hungry all the time. There are times when I think I can actually feel my stomach growing.

I used the word “actually” 3 times in that last paragraph. For an English graduate, my vocabulary sucks, actually.

* Get the highest amount of closures in my unit. This is a work-related goal, and unless you know what I do, it really means nothing. But know that if I succeed, it will mean Lovely is awesome.

I think that’s enough to keep me busy for the month.

More 30 days of me:

Day One

Day Two 

Day Three

Day Four

Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven

Cali Gurlz

So, I picked up Bug from school the other day, and the way home, she was singing this song:

California girls

We're unforgettable

Daisy Dukes

Bikinis on top

Sun-kissed skin

So hot

Will melt your popsicle

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oooooh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oooooooh

Dude, she’s 5. I know the song (who doesn’t?) but we usually listen to the country station in the car.

“Bug, where did you learn that song?” I asked.

“At school. Ashley taught me,” Bug answered.

Hmmmph. I suddenly don’t care much for Ashley.

But really, it’s not Ashley’s fault. Not even her parents’, really. I blame society. Why are we so interested in rushing our children into growing up? These girls are in preschool. What happened to singing “The Wheels on the Bus?” Why aren’t they learning the alphabet and their numbers, instead of Katy Perry songs?

To be fair, Bug has gotten just about everything she can for preschool. She’s been their for three years, she could probably teach the classes herself by now. She used to love it there, but now she cries almost every morning when I drop her off at school. One night I picked her up and asked, “Why do you cry every morning when I drop you off? You know Mommy ALWAYS comes back for you, right? And if I don’t, Daddy does. And if Daddy can’t, Auntie Melissa (my girlfriend) comes. You’ve never had to spend the night at school, right? So, why do you cry?”

Bug gave me some song and dance about not wanting me to leave her.

“But Bug, you HAVE to listen to me. What are we going to do next year when you go to kindergarten? Are you going to cry every day then, too?”

“That’s different,” Bug said primly. “I’m excited to go to kindergarten. Preschool is boring.”

Can’t really argue with that logic.

A Proud Moment

Every year, my elementary school had a spelling bee. The winner would go to the district finals, then city, county, state…. And I assume eventually, the children would go to the super mammer jammer spelling bee that we see on tv now.

All of the students would gather in the cafeteria and the spelling bee would begin. Every student participated, although most were eliminated right away. I’ll be honest, I don’t remember a whole lot about the spelling bee during this particular year, but I do remember the words came fast and they were surprisingly easy.

Mouse
Govern
Portly
Antics
Direct

As time went on, there were fewer and fewer kids in each row. Suddenly, there was just me and one other girl.

Dual
Relent
Optic

Dude, I’ve got this.

And then, suddenly, a word I didn’t know: Fissure.

Fissure? To split? A narrow opening? Think, Lovely. F-I-S-H-E-R? No, too obvious.

And then, I remembered a boy in my Sunday school class with the same last name. That had to be it, right?

“F-I-S-C-H-E-R?”

Incorrect. The other girl won, and went on to have a mediocre finish in the all-district spelling bee.

I won second place.

I was in the first grade.

And I cried because I didn’t win first.

I went home and showed my second place ribbon to my mother. When she started crying, I thought at first it was because she was disappointed that I didn’t win. I later learned that she was crying because she didn’t get to see it.

Her little girl, her baby, her 6-year-old first grader, just won second place in a school- wide spelling bee. I beat out kids that were five years older that I was.

That turned out to be a pretty good day.