Monday, February 23, 2015

Bachelor in Bali

Here we go, my friends! Fantasy dates are under way!

Kaitlyn has the first fantasy date in Bali. They have a normal day, just walking around the village, having monkeys climb all over Chris.

Check out Katilyn's face-- she looks like she was abducted by aliens

Chris asks Kaitlyn if she would like to spend the night in the fantasy suite, and she of course jumps at that chance. She says she is falling in love with Chris,

and he says he's falling in love with her, too! 

Say what? Is he allowed to say that? Is it over? Is he picking her? Ugh! 

Other than that, the date was pretty uneventful. 

Whitney has the next fantasy date. They  go on a private yacht, which is much more my idea of an awesome date. She says she's head over heels in love with Chris, and he doesn't say it back, which makes me very nervous (he says it later in an interview, so I forgive him. Slightly). 

Whitney is the only girl of the three who has never seen Arlington, and she's the only girl who has a "real"career. Chris is definitely pretty nervous about it, but Whitney says, yeah, she has a career, but she really just wants to move to Arlington and makes a bunch of farmer babies. 

Pre-fantasy suite smootches
Whitney is also invited into the fantasy suite, and she also accepts. "Check, please!"  Whitney wants to get some!

Becca has the final fantasy date. Becca, the virgin. She is super nervous about telling him, especially when some Bali medicine man said they should go make love. 

Becca's face after speaking to the medicine man. Awkward! 

 Becca is honest with Chris. She says that she's never been in love with anyone, but she might be falling in love with him. She's scared about moving to Arlington, but she would be willing to take that change if it was right. 

And he says he's falling in love with her! 

What the heck? He's falling in love with all three of them? Is he playing them all? Is he just trying to get some? Pick a girl and stick with her! 

Becca admits that she's a virgin, and he is as ok as a guy can possibly be when he realizes that he's not going to get to get funky with the gorgeous Becca. She still spends the night with him, but when they wake up in the morning, they have some kind of mystery conversation that we didn't get to see. Chris says he's falling in love with Becca, but they're conversation left him in confusion. Becca is also the only one who voiced serious doubts about living in Arlington. 

Chris says he feels really strongly about one rose, but he doesn't know about the other one. He is clearly confused. 

The rose ceremony is at a sacred temple, where there are dress codes and rules about affection. And then, before it even starts, Chris asked Becca to step away with him. I'm still not entirely sure what their conversation was about, but it's clear that Chris really has genuine feelings for her. 

Meanwhile, the two remaining girls are doing backflips because they think that Chris MUST be sending Becca home. I think they both died a little inside when they saw Chris and Becca walking back together, hand in hand. 

Rose Ceremony: 

I'm sure that Kaitlyn knew the second Chris called Whitney's name that she would be the one to leave. I mean, Chris wasn't to take Becca aside for 30 minutes and then bring her back again just to send her home. Still,  I am surprised. Kaitlyn wants to know what went wrong, and Chris can't even explain it, he just needs to follow his heart. 

Who is he going to pick???? It can't be Becca.... can it? The girl we know nothing about it? Will it be Whitney? The career girl? I just don't know! And will either girl make it to a wedding? I can't wait to find out! 

The Women Tell All is next week! Stay tuned for all that juicy drama! 

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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

A to Z

All I ever imagined
Became almost real tonight
Creating possibilities,
Dreams realized,
Even the chance
For true happiness
Gripping onto that chance
Hoping this won't be the last
Ignoring that voice in my head 
Just a little bit longer
Knowing this can never work
Love this perfect can't be real
Maybe loneliness is best 
Never regret what was never had
Only fools dream so big
Please leave me in peace
Quiet the screams inside my head
Repeating the truth
Savor this moment
This one dream realized
Until the sunrise crashes
Vexedly teasing my desire to hope
Wiping away that chance for love
Xeroxed again and again
Yet still I pray, and still I dream
Zero is the chance I have now

Mama’s Losin’ It

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My Thoughts on 50 Shades

I feel compelled to write about my 50 Shades Experience.

Yes, I read the books. Yes, I watched the movie. No, I am not ashamed.

True, I had a different experience than most, having the advantage of watching the movie during a private screening. I am under no illusions that this is Oscar winning material. And I certainly would not want to watch the movie in the same room as my mother. Still, I was thoroughly entertained.

I was surprised about the negative reviews that I read online this weekend. Not because the writing or acting was bad-- I rather expected that. But I was baffled over the pure outrage that the movie inspired. Women claimed to have walked out of the theater in tears. People proclaiming that this is glorified  domestic violence at its finest. Women all over my Facebook feed were begging everyone to boycott the movie, saying that "the violence is unbearable."


Were we watching the same movie?

This is the movie I saw: There's a guy that has love and commitment issues, due to the unfortunate events of his past. As a result, he feels that the only way he can be intimate with a woman is if he is the dominant. He meets a girl who is a virgin-- both literally, and to the BDSM lifestyle-- and he thinks he can add her to the list of his many conquests. Except, oops! He falls in love with her.

It's not about control. At no point does Christian have control over Ana. Ana is the one with all the control. She says how far to go. She says when she's had enough. And he respects that.

Look, I'm not saying I'm down for a dominant/submissive lifestyle. But I didn't think it was violent at all. Yes, he straps her up. With her permission. And I'm no judge, but she seems to like it quite a bit.

And the one point that it does get too violent (he whips her 6 times-- not hard enough to break the skin, but definitely hard enough to bring tears), she leaves him right away.

(at which point the movie fades to black and I was laughing and BFF was screaming at the movie screen: "no no no NO!")

I don't know, maybe I'm the naive one. But I saw a movie about two consenting adults, maybe experimenting with a darker side of sex than others would enjoy or even know about, but trying to find their place in each other's hearts.

I've been in an abusive relationship before. This wasn't it.

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Monday, February 16, 2015

Bachelor-- Finding love in Iowa

Welcome to a special 2-day Bachelor extravaganza!

Remember, Ashley and Kelsey (aka crazy and crazier) were sent home last week. Sunday's episode began with a cocktail party. Chris took Megan aside right away and said it's not going to happen, she's going home.

There was supposed to be a rose ceremony, with one more girl going home, but Chris told Harrison he  has strong connection with the 6 remaining girls, and wants to take them all to Iowa. He's the boss, so they're all off to Des Moines, which is nice, but still three hours away from Chris's home in Arlington.

Jade gets the first one on one date, and Chris takes her to his actual pad. In my opinion, he should have done this to ALL of the remaining girls. Jade's eyes are wide open. Arlington is WELL off the map.

The only thing to do on a Friday night: High School football

Whitney has the next one on one date, but Chris doesn't take her home, he keeps her in Des Moines and they take a pictures of their love together. They are pretty dang photogenic together. Although Whitney has to be wondering why he didn't take her home. I would be. Although maybe he's not worried about Whitney. Maybe he knows that Whitney will be awesome in Arlington.

Chris takes Whitney to meet his three besties, and they drill poor Whitney on her feelings for Chris. She hasn't even told Chris how she feels yet; she's certainly not going to tell three random drunk guys! But she answers their questions honestly and eloquently.  I thought she came across as friendly, sweet, and  intelligent.

Meanwhile, the girls back at the hotel decide they need to take a road trip to Arlington, so they can see for themselves how small this small town is. And I'm here to tell you: it's really really small.

Blink and you might miss it

Carly, Britt, and Kaitlynn got the group date, which means that Becca will get the final one on one (didn't she just have last week? Lucky girl!) Chris takes the girls to play... hockey. Lame!  What a red hot mess. But the date doesn't matter as much as the drama that unfolded!

First, Britt told Chris that they road tripped to Arlington and she LOVED it, which is a blatant lie. Carly was quick to run to Chris and to throw Britt under the bus.  Kaitlyn doesn't lie or talk smack about the other girls. She only shares her feelings with Chris, and he rewards her by giving her the only rose of the week. Chris will be meeting her family next week.

Britt does not take this news well. She is used to being the top dog, and he has picked someone else. Britt kinda blows up at Chris, saying that she doesn't want her husband to put her second, third, or fourth.

The worse thing about the show was that showed the previews for the next episode! So, we know that in addition to Kaitlyn, Becca and Jade also received home town dates.

Who will go home? Britt or Carly?

OK, now on to Monday's episode.

Becca had the next date, but no one really cares about her date, poor thing. Everyone is more concerned about Britt and her craziness back at the hotel. She has packed her bags and says she's going home. She says she can't imagine bringing a guy home to meet her dad when he doesn't put her first. Ah, poor little spoiled girl.Way to make Kaitlyn feel like crap.

Harrison comes in and says there won't be a cocktail party, they're going to go straight to the rose ceremony. Britt begs for two minutes of his time before the rose ceremony, but Chris basically tells her that Britt's outburst is not what he wants in a wife.

Peace out, Britt.

And Carly is coming off as a little bit of a B.

But in what I thought was a shocking twist, Chris ALSO sent Carly home. This means that Kaitlyn, Jade, Becca, and Whitney will be getting hometown dates.

Chris is off to Louisiana first to see Becca. Becca, who never  even really spoke or was interviewed before this episode. Her rather large family is all over Chris, saying that Becca has never had a boyfriend before (and don't forget, Becca is still a virgin-- but Chris doesn't know that).

The more I see Becca, the more I like her. Thank you for not being a slut, Becca.

Chris is off to Chicago next to visit Whitney. This is not truly Whitney's hometown, but since this is where Whitney lives, she thought it was important for Chris to see what her life is like-- and what she is willing to give up for him. I mean, I'm guessing there's not a huge need for fertility nurses in a town that only has a population of 400.

Later at dinner, Chris asked Whitney's sister for her blessing (something that wasn't asked of Becca's family.... or maybe it was edited out), and kinda said no. Or, at least she said to come back and ask again when there weren't 4 other girls around. But Whitney is not deterred, and tells Chris she is in love with him.

Then she opens a VERY expensive bottle of wine, that she says that she's been saving for the man she's going to marry, AND THEY DRINK IT.

If Chris doesn't pick Whitney at the end, he's the biggest jerk ever.

Katilyn's hometown date is next. Apparently, Kaitlyn is from Canada, but her family spends the winters in Arizona, so that's where they met up. I don't think they have a serious enough relationship. They just have fun together. Just a lot of fun. They sing rap songs together and they laugh a lot. But I really can't imagine her living in Iowa with him.

Kaitlyn doesn't actually say that she's in love with him, but she DOES put it on a billboard.

Isn't that what Chris did with Andi? Copycat.

Finally, Chris goes to visit Jade. Jade, who was picked by his sisters to go on a date. Jade, who is the only one who was invited to Arlington and who met his parents. Some might say she was the one to beat.

But now that Jade is home, she is freaking out. Her father says Chris needs to love her for who she is. Brother Zach warns Chris that Jade is a bit of a wild mustang.

Chris is totally confused, and so would anyone else. Jade comes off as so quiet and shy, no one would expect her to be a wildcat underneath (well, except for The Agent. He said it's always the quiet librarian types that have a wild side).

Jade takes Chris aside after the family dinner and tells him what she has been hiding all along-- Jade posed nude for Playboy.

And then, to make an awkward situation even more awkward, SHE SHOWS HIM THE PICS.

I can't show you the pics. I'm afraid to google them. But she is for sure naked. Completely.

How are you going to live in a town of 400 with that kind of a reputation? I'm guessing he's out. But at least he got to see her naked.

Rose Ceremony: 

Looks like the Playboy thing mattered, after all. 

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weekend update-- searching for a headboard

Happy Valentine's/ President's/ Last Chance to Party before Lent Weekend!

My weekend started with a Galentine's celebration on Friday (that's when you hang with your girlfriends to celebrate Valentine's Day. I had never heard of that before this year, so maybe I had been living under a rock). A friend of a friend had rented out a movie theater to watch 50 Shades, and I was invited to attend. It was very upper class! A guy in a suit took our tickets and then escorted us into a special room where 100 other women were anxiously waiting.

The movie was... ok. Certainly not a movie I would want to watch with my parents in the same room, and Dakota Johnson did not fit my vision at all, but I was thoroughly entertained. It certainly helped that everyone else in the theater was of the same mindset. Everyone had read the book, everyone knew what to expect, and there were no husbands or boyfriends there to make fun of us and talk smack. Very nice. I will be writing more about the movie on Wednesday... stay tuned!

Before the movie, we ate at a place called Citra Grill-- they served kabobs and cucumber salads on flat bread. I had never been there before, and since the place was empty when we got there I really didn't have high hopes, but it was really good! I'm also thinking it was moderately healthy, since it was low carb and nothing was fried.

I swiped this picture from Yelp, but this is exactly what it looked like. They gave us cucumber spears and salt as an appetizer.

Saturday was Valentine's Day, and my sweet husband got me a couples massage. We have a day off coming up together next month, and the kids will be a spring break camp, so that's something we'll be looking forward to.

But that was the extent of our day of romance. The rest of the day was spent searching for a headboard. We bought a new bed last week, and we upgraded from a queen to a king, so our headboard didn't fit any more. I had gotten it in my head that I wanted an old door as a headboard, so off to the antique shop we went.

Finding a door was easy.... the antique shop had tons to choose from. But The Agent isn't convinced that the finished project wouldn't be as awesome as the picture in my head, so we are exploring other options.

I was consoled by buying a new comforter and pillows for the bed.

We finished off the day with some Dickey's BBQ for dinner and a movie. Good times.

On Sunday, we continued on the search for a headboard. I think we found something that's going to work.... I'll be taking pictures as The Agent makes it and I'll post it whenever it's done--- either as a fabulous DIY or a flop!

Sunday evening was spent enjoying SOA and drinking margaritas. I am giving up alcohol for Lent this year, so I figured I better imbibe now while I can! I cannot even accurately explain how addicted I am to Sons of Anarchy. I am completely and utterly invested in that show! I am halfway through season 5 and I'm already starting to get a little sad. I know there's only 7 seasons, so I'm already more than halfway through the series. Opie, one of my favorite characters, just died, and I about cried my fool head off. Can't wait to see what happens next!

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Monday, February 9, 2015

The Bachelor: Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

When we last tuned in, Kelsey showed her true crazy colors by saying that she LOVED her story. "It's tragic, but I love it!" The show ended with Kelsey having a panic attack.

And.... to be continued.

The show started with Kelsey continuing her "panic attack," and asking to see Chris. She whispered to the paramedic, "I am SO going to get a rose now!"

Chris came to check on Kelsey, and she made a dramatic and complete recovery.

And now, on to the rose ceremony, that we were supposed to have last week:

Carly (one on one)
Whitney (group)
Britt  (one on one)

This means that Mackenzie (who believes in Aliens and like big noses) and Samantha (who???) went home at the beginning of the show.

So now Chris and the girls are off to the wild west, there will be a 2 on 1, a 1 on 1, and a group date. The dates start right away with Becca getting the one on one: "Let's give love a shot." I like Becca, the TRUE virgin, because she's the only one who hasn't kissed Chris yet. Proof that not every girl on The Bachelor is a whore.

Becca and Chris go horseback riding, proving that Chris isn't really that much of a farm boy after all, since he got on the horse all wrong. Sheesh. Even I could get on the horse better than that.

But they have a nice day and a cute connection, and Becca gets the rose. And then he finally kisses her. It started out like Chris was kissing his sister, but then it got a little better, although still sweet and innocent.

Wouldn't this make an adorable engagement photo???

Whitney, Jade,  Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, and Megan have the group date.... and who really cares, because that means that:

Kelsey and Ashley are on the 2 on 1! 

But first, the group date: let's make sweet music together. Big and Rich are there to help the girls write music and sing. jade is on the struggle bus. She wants to write an awesome song, but she's having trouble letting go. She gets a pep talk from Big (or Rich) and is ready to write her masterpiece, but then Britt and Chris have a moment, and Jade is forced to watch while they make out.

Side note-- that is so rude of Chris. Dude, have some respect for the other girls. You don't make out with a girl when the five other girls that you're dating are RIGHT THERE. #manwhore

The girls sang their songs, and some girls were better than others. Carly and Megan were especially good, but they all did their best. I am glad that I wasn't on this date-- I would have bombed out!

All the girls had some one on one time, but then Chris took Britt and ran off with her and he takes her to the Big and Rich concert. Then he takes her on stage and gives her a rose.

Such a slap in the face
I'm really not liking Chris right now. The girls are upset, and I'm upset for them. Chris is kind of an ass.

Now for the two on one, where all of American hopes he sends both of these crazy girls home. Look at this tension:

Neither girl plays her cards right. Ashley uses her time to prove that her lips are definitely NOT virgin, and Kelsey uses her time to show that she will definitely tie him up and hold him hostage if he doesn't choose her.

Chris basically throws Ashley under the bus when he has his time with Kelsey, saying that Ashley told him that Kelsey was not a great person. I am genuinely afraid for Ashley's life. Like I hope there are no knives within Kelsey's reach, because girlfriend is serious going cut that Kardashian.

Ashley, to her credit, calls Chris out, saying that he shouldn't have said anything to crazy Kelsey, but Chris says that he and Ashley are in two different places, and he sends her home. Ashley is in hysterics and can't stop crying.

And then, Chris made the smartest move he's made all season:

He sent them BOTH home! 

And the girls all rejoice.

Again, no rose ceremony. And there's going to have to be some serious choices to make.... mostly because Walking Dead will be on at the same time!

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Weekend Update: The Sads


I had a case of the sads this weekend.

I think maybe I've been working too hard and not doing enough fun stuff and it's catching up to me. Plus, I get lost in my head and over think things too much.

This has been building up for awhile now. I've been working with Bug for the last several weeks, planning her birthday party. She wanted to have a Pancakes and PJ's party, where everyone would show up for brunch in their pajamas, and we'd have brunch and play some sort of pancake related games. I liked it because it meant that every one would be out of my house by 1 pm, so I'd have the whole afternoon to recuperate.

 But we had a problem with the guest list. We had a list of 10 kids, which is a pretty good sized party, if everyone comes. But half of those kids are the children of my friends; they're not even friends with Bug. And of the 5 people from school she was inviting, she really only cared if 2 of them showed up.

That's when I realized that Bug only has 2 friends.

I suppose that's ok. You don't need a ton of friends, at least she has two really good friends. But I really didn't want to do a bunch of work to throw a party for people she didn't even care about. So, instead of having a party, we decided to have a birthday weekend: her best guy friend will come over on a Friday night and they'll eat pizza and watch movies and make s'mores and do everything you would do at a sleep over, except actually sleep (The Agent drew the line at a boy spending the night). Then on Saturday, her best girl friend will come over, and I'll take the girls to get manicures and we'll go to a fancy lunch and we'll probably watch a movie. And then Sunday will be Bug's family party, so my parents and brother will come over and we'll have a little celebration.

Bug is very excited to have a whole weekend of birthday fun, instead of just one day. That'll be in a couple weeks, so that will be an exciting weekend update.

Anyway, all that backstory to say that on Friday night, I was on Facebook and saw a post from the mom of Bug's best guy friend. She posted a picture of her son and 2 friends from school that he had over.

And it made me so sad.

How DARE he have friends besides Bug.

How DARE he not invite Bug.

I kept to myself on Friday night. The Agent went to a poker tournament, I let the kids watch a movie, and I lost myself in Sons of Anarchy (I'm halfway through season 3).

I woke up on Saturday, still feeling sad. I didn't hear The Agent come in, but he always texts me when he's on his way home, so according to my phone, he rolled in after 2 am. Which meant that he would be useless to me on Saturday and I would be on my own. Nice.

I grabbed my cup of coffee and got online, like I do almost every morning. The first thing I saw on Facebook was a picture of one of my best girlfriends and her husband, at a crab feed with some people that we know. Having fun. Without me.

Sigh. I need to stay off Facebook.

Saturday was spent running errands and buying groceries, and we stayed locked in the house on Sunday, while it dumped buckets outside. I told The Agent I was feeling sad and he gave me free reign to engage in a little retail therapy, but I didn't even do that. What was I going to buy? There wasn't anything I needed. I could have gone to the Hob Lob or Joann's and I could have bought some randomness, but what would be the point? It's easier to just stay in my pajamas and watch SOA all day.

I need to curl up and go to sleep, and have a better day tomorrow.

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