Monday, May 25, 2015

The Bachelorette Workout!

You know just from the previews that this episode of  The Bachelorette is going to be awesome!  I'm ready for the drama!

I forgot to mention this last week, but I devised a little mini workout to go with your watching pleasure. Some people play drinking games, I thought it might be fun to shape up!

When The Bachelorette kisses someone, do 5 squats.
When anyone cries, 5 lunges
When someone gets sent home outside of a rose ceremony, do a 30 second plank
When there’s a reference to a sad back story, do 5 jumping jacks
When someone gets a rose outside of a rose ceremony, do three burpees
When anyone says anything is AMAZING, do 5 knee raises on each side.
When anyone uses the phrase THE RIGHT REASONS, do five push ups.
When one of the guys talks smack about one of their fellow Bachelors, touch your toes 6 times.
If Kaitlyn “takes things too far” with any of the guys, call her dirty and drink a glass of wine. :)

I am not promising that I will remember to do all of these. For example, I'm pretty sure at least 7 of the guys called her AMAZING, and I missed them all. It's impossible to watch the show, write about it, and work out at the same time.

But before we can get to Kaitlyn, of course we have to have an update from Britt. Remember last week, when not-so-good country signer  decided to leave the show because he wanted to hook up with Britt? Well, he showed up at her hotel to say hi and to get a date. What's going to happen? Stay tuned!

Meanwhile, the first date card is announced. It's a group date for Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey (or Cory),  Tanner, Kupah, Ben H, and Ben Z. The card reads, "I see this ending with a ring." Of course, the ring involved here is a boxing ring and Muhammed Ali's daughter is their trainer. She  teaches the guys a few basic boxing moves and then she tells them that they will be sparring with each other in the ring.

I'll say it right : no good can come of this.

The guys all fight light animals, but Jared and Ben Z. are matched up for the final. As Ben knocks the stuffing out of Jared, Kaitlyn says, "I feel so bad. I just wanted to have fun, I didn't expect any one to get hurt." Really, Kaitlyn? Are you that dumb? You KNEW they guys were going to get medieval on each other. Don't pretend.

Jared doesn't even look like he knows his name at this point. 

Jared got sent to the medical team to be checked, while Kaitlyn and the other guys had their after party.

Ben Z. had the first alone time, and told her sad back story: the death of his mother (5 jumping jacks!).

Jared was told that he had to go back to the mansion to rest, but not before he was able to sneak Kaitlyn downstairs for a quick smootch session (5 squats).

Ben Z. gets the rose-- he not only won the fight and has a good connection, but he's also a Cali local! Gotta root for the local guys!

(oh, and also do three burpees)

The next date goes to Clint, with the message "you take my breathe away."  Clint is the guy who drew Kaitlyn a picture of Chris Harrison riding a triceratops. Kaitlyn tells Clint that they're doing an underwater photoshoot, which is apparently very in vogue right now.  I love the water, so I think I would have fun on this date, but I have no illusions that I would look in any way graceful, elegant, or even attractive. Luckily, they looked pretty goofy as well:

Hello, Awkward. 

But Kaitlyn and Clint rocked it out, and they did lots of kissing (5 squats).

They have a dinner that was not memorable to me at all. Clint gets the rose (3 burpees).

JJ, Jonathan, Joshua, Chris, Ian, Joe,  and Tony have the next group date. "I'm looking for a man who will stand up for me." (Note that the creepy tree hugger Tony keeps calling her Britt when he's talking about her to other guys. I hope he does that to her face). Ad most of the guys expected, Kaitlyn takes the guys to do stand up with Amy Schumer (who is starring in the movie Trainwreck, which looks hilarious). Amy brings up 3 ladies to help, which are supposedly famous comedians, but who I don't recognize.

The guys are forced to write their own stand up material. This would be incredibly hard. I LOVE to write, and I don't think I would be able to do it, not completely on the fly like that. I would have to pull form my old material, like an old story that I wrote in college or something.

They didn't show much of the improvs, so the only thing we know for sure is that Chris rocked it out and Tony completely tanked.Oh, and JJ is starting to come across as this season's villian. Don't be such a douche, dude!

But Kaitlyn falls for his a-holedness and gives JJ the rose (3 burpess). This was after she kissed a zillion guys (5 zillion squats). Boo! She should have given Chris the dentist the rose-- at least he had the best stand up.

JJ has set his sights on creepy guy Tony, trying to get under his skin so Tony will go home. Hey, I don't like Tony, either, but there's no reason to be a jerk about it. But Tony is all hyped up about it.

Kupah hasn't made a connection with Kaitlyn yet, and doesn't want to stay in the house any longer than he has to if there's no connection. Well, please. When you spend the whole time training for your boxing match, what is Katilyn supposed to think? But the conversation is hard and awkward and Kaitlyn basically says, "Dude, I had a connection with you until this moment, and I'm not feeling it now." She said she needed some time to think about it, but when they go their separate ways, Kupah was too loud when he was telling the guys about their time, and Kaitlyn tells him to go now (30 second plank). At first, he refuses. "I don't want to go home," he says. Well, too bad, Dude! You had your chance and you blew it!  Kupah gets pulled away to do his exit interview and throws a huge fit. Kaitlyn goes out to confront him (like she's going to be able to do something about it)..... but we'll have to wait until next week to find out what happens!

Oh, and in case you're a Britt fan.... Brady and Britt saw each every day for a week, and now they are a couple. Not sure how that's going to work-- she's from Michigan and he's from Tennessee!  Who wants to take bets on whether or not they're still together?

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Tuesday, May 19, 2015

The Bachelorette is Chosen!

The Bachelorette continues!

OK, where were we? Oh, yeah.... Chris Harrison was counting the votes, and the new Bachelorette is going to be.....


Wow, how embarrassing for Britt. No one likes you. Because you're dirty.

To be fair, I think Britt is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. But Kaitlyn is just so much more really. I think one of the guys said it last night: Britt is a trophy wife. Kaitlyn is your real wife.

Or something like that.

Kaitlyn's first job as Bachelorette is to go in there and have her first rose ceremony. If I was her, I would say, "OK, which of you a-holes voted for Britt? Peace out, guys!"

But Kaitlyn is much more diplomatic than I would be. And every guy suddenly says that he wanted it to be her (regardless of what his vote might have been), so there's no way she would know at this early stage who's here for her and who's just here. And the only ones I remember for sure that were on Team Britt were the creepy healer, the country singer who has no talent, and Kupah (who is memorable to me only because of his unusual name).

Jared (who looks like a serial killer) makes an awesome decision. He admits to Kaitlyn that he voted for Britt, but he is still happy that Kaitlyn is the Bachelorette and he still wants to stay. This is genius, in my opinion. Kaitlyn is bound to find out who voted for her and who voted for Britt, so it's so smart to be honest from the beginning. Awesome move, Creepy Stalker!

Wait! I turned away for a second and I saw Kaitlyn kissing Cupcake the dentist! What the WHAT!

But Shawn B. still gets the first impression rose.... and then she kisses him, too. That is SO GROSS to me! She was just kissing another guy 30 seconds ago! Nasty!

Weird Healer and Not-Very-Good-Country-Singer are not being very secretive about the fact that the girl they wanted didn't get picked. Both are wondering if they should stay with Kaitlyn when they had such a strong connection with Britt. Will they stay or will they go?

rose ceremony

Shawn B. (first impression)
Ben H.
Ryan B.
Tony the weird healer

But wait!

Brady the Not-Very-Good-Country-Singer steps up! He is honest with her-- he wanted to be with Britt. He sends himself home.... and runs to Chris Harrison and asks to find Britt.

Back to the rose ceremony...

Cory S.
Ben Z.

and the final rose goes to....


That means that.... a whole lot of guys are going home. The Amateur sex coach, for one. And a bunch of others.

It was SUCH a long night.... notice that it's full daylight by the time the guys are leaving. Girlfriend probably needs a nap!

OMG!!!!! Did you see the previews for the season? She has sex with one of the guys? And admits it!!! What a dirty girl!  Oh, and a tease as Not-Very-Good-Country-Singer knocks on Britt's door.... will Britt find love? Let google images tell the story....

What do you think?

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Monday, May 18, 2015

The Bachelorette is back!

It's Kaitlyn vs. Britt!

First of all, any guy who picks Britt is straight stupid. I'm not a huge fan of Kaitlyn either, but I do feel she is the lesser of two evils.

The first several guys are introduced, and not a single one really stands out.... at least not in a good way. There are more than a few people who I could easily mistake for a serial killer.

Kaitlyn and Britt stand outside to meet all the guys. Britt is a schmoozer and makes a great first impression with all of the guys, leaving Kaitlyn to feel fully awkward.

But it's ok. As the men came out of the limo, I noticed that the "fun" guys tend to go more for Kaitlyn, while the perhaps more serious guys went for Britt.

I loved that the guy that Britt was super attracted to then big fat  went to Kaitlyn and said that he was there for her. DISSED!

The guys are pretty evenly split  on which of the two girls they would prefer, but there's one guy that both girls definitely DON'T like-- drunk guy Ryan.

Ryan-- he says he's a junkyard specialist. That means you don't have a job. 

A few other "winners":
Shawn-- he says he's an amateur sex coach. He showed up in a hot tub car. 

Tony the healer-- he gave the exact same speech to both girls

But, as Kaitlyn says, it's all fun and games until Chris Harrison walks into the room. Chris says that the guys must now vote for the girl who they think should remain the Bachelorette.

Tony the healer doesn't need any time to think about it. He came for Kaitlyn, but he felt a better connection with Britt, so he votes for her.

Most of the other guys keep their votes a secret.

Ryan continues to be a drunk ass. He grabs Kaitlyn's ass, and then strips down and jumps in the pool. He is not impressing anyone.

Where do they find these guys?

Chris Harrison decided to man up and called in the big dogs. He sent Ryan home. Ryan, surprisingly, took it quite well. Nobody seems upset to see him go home.

After the last vote has been cast, the roses are counted. I HAVE to believe it's going to be Kaitlyn.

But, of course, we're not going to know until tomorrow! Stay tuned!

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Weekend Update-- still alive, but barely


I'm still here.

I was on my death bed for awhile, but I think I might make it.

Actually, it was kinda nice. I was in bed every night by 7:30 and read a bunch. I've read three books so far in May alone.

BK  has been beyond naughty lately. I mean BEYOND. And just when we think it might have finally sunk in that maybe he's finally figuring it out, you know, that it's good to be good, then he big fat does something so naughty that it boggles my mind. Like he peed in his toy box at some point last week, although it took until Friday for us to find out where the smell was coming from. When we asked why he did it, he said it was because he was mad at us. What???? And that's your reaction?

We tossed all those toys. I mean, they had been sitting in pee for several days! SO gross. I'm not sure why he thought this would be a punishment for us, but I know that young children like to have control, and this was certainly a situation that he had control over!

It's 8:30 pm on Sunday as I write this and I am absolutely ready for bed, so here's some events from the weekend in pictures:


saloon girls 
feeding goats (and sheep and a llama)

daddy-son baseball pictures

This picture cracks me up! Look how hairy his face is! The Agent told him that he needed to start shaving soon, and BK got the biggest grin on his face! He's only 5! 

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Monday, May 11, 2015

Weekend Update-- Mother's Day!

Every weekend leaves me feeling exhausted. I seriously need a vacation.

On Friday, The Agent and I took the day off to go to a funeral. Is it wrong to say this was a wonderful day off? The deceased was a distant relative of The Agent's, but it was nice to see all of his cousins and to spend the day reminiscing. The Agent isn't particularly close with his family, so it's always nice to get that glimpse into his past.

On Saturday, I ran my butt all over town. Target, Costco, Wal Mart... and that was before noon. And then we had baseball. BK had an AWESOME game! He played catcher, short stop, and first base. He is an EXCELLENT first base man. And his hitting off the tee is fantastic. #MakeMamaSomeMoneyInThePros

After baseball, I went out shopping again, this time to the malls (our city has two of them, and I went to both) and then back to Target. I got all our errands ran, I hit my 10000 step for the day, and I rewarded myself with a s'more frap at Starbucks. No, I don't know why I need to lose 30 pounds. 

I was gone so long that as soon as I got home and pulled into the garage, my cat jumped up on the roof of the car. Silly cat... like that's going to keep me home.

Sunday was Mother's Day! I opened up this beauty: 

...with an Amazon gift card inside! Reading material!

Then we went to spend the day with my dad and stepmother. A beautiful Sunday fun day! 

Happy Mother's Day! 

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Wednesday, May 6, 2015

The Graduation Dance

8th grade was a LONG time ago-- I was the 8th grade class of 1988. And in 8th grade, I had a major crush on Donald Davis. I'm not sure why-- he wasn't particularly cute. But he was nice and he was taller than I was, so that was a big plus in my book. 

In May, about a month before 8th grade graduation, Donald called me, and asked me to be his date to the 8th grade graduation dance. What the WHAT? He wants to go out? On a date? With Me?Awesome! I said yes, and reveled in my certainty that I would one day be called Mrs. Donald Davis. 

The next day at school, my girlfriend Janet bounced up to me. "Soooo..... did Donald Davis ask you out?"

My perma-grin probably gave me away. Good news really gets around!
"You know, that happened because of me," she said. 

Janet went on to explain that Donald had called her earlier in the evening to ask her to the dance. She declined, but said, "Why don't you ask Lovely? I hear she likes you."

That wiped the perma-grin off of my face a bit. I didn't really want to be sloppy seconds. But oh well! I had a date! 

Except NONE of my other friends had dates. They were all going to the dance together, a big girlfest.  And I was going to be stuck with Donald.... who was starting to really look like a nerd, now that I've opened my eyes. And what if he expected me to DANCE with him? Then I would be known as the girl who danced with Donald Davis! Unacceptable!

I was beginning to dread 8th grade graduation. 

Graduation day arrived. I thought I looked great in my dress from Gunne Sax.... and then I saw  Donald in a white tuxedo. With tails. 

I was mortified. All the other boys were wearing sports jackets and ties.... no one else was in a tux. 

I couldn't go to the dance with him. 

I told him I wasn't feeling well, and I convinced him to call him mom to drive me home. 

Two days later, there was a knock on my door. It was Donald, of course. With a letter: 

Dear Lovely, 
How are you? I'm fine. I was just watching the movie Some Kind of Wonderful and I started thinking of you. Right then, at that moment, I started thinking about how I wanted to hold you in my arms forever, and I still do. 
Well, now you know how I feel about you, but I still don't know how you feel about me. If it's not too much trouble, do you think you could let me know? Call me at 555-1234. Thanks! 
Love you always, Donald

I never called..... But I did write him a return letter: 

Dear Donald, 
I have given it a lot of thought, and I've come to the conclusion that you are a nerd. Have a nice summer! 

That was our last conversation for the next 6 years (we became friends again briefly after high school.... but that's another story!) 

Mama’s Losin’ It

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52 in 52

Good Lord! April FLEW by! I feel like I'm doing really bad on my list. I haven't had time to do anything! It looks like the only thing I accomplished was I read a few books....

1. Lose 21 pounds. Goal is 199. 0/21 Nope, still not losing.  
2. Wear a bikini in public. Certainly not on the right track here.
3. Spin at least 3 days a week. I think I maybe did it three times all month!
4. Drink at least 80 ounces of water a day. 
5. Donate all the size 16 pants in my closet. No. I need them still.
6. Have a garage sale. Not happening this month
7. Donate 40 bags of stuff for Lent.  7/40 still going strong!
8. Spend 1 day a month organizing the house. 2/12
9. Have at least 10 dates with The Agent. 2/10.  We went to a wedding without the kids, and to a crab feed!
10. Read 25 books. 5/25 Catching up a bit! I read three books in April: The Ancient Guardians-- The Uninvited by SL Morgan, The Infinite Sea by Rick Yancey, and Panic by Lauren Oliver.
11. Hire a cleaning service
12. Go to the library.
13. Fly a kite.  
14. Teach Bug to ride a bike.
15. Teach BK to ride a bike.
16. Make the children pick out  a present for each other at birthdays and Christmas. BK did this for Bug in February!
17. Get a raise. Nailed it!
18.  Go camping. we have a date set
19. Host a play date for each child. Done for Bug.... now we just need to work on BK.
20. Write 5 fictional pieces. 1/5
21. Cut and color hair 3 times this year. 0/3 I REALLY need to make an appointment.
22. Get a pedicure 4 times this year. 0/4
23. Go away overnight with The Agent, and without the kids.
24. Get a massage for Mother's Day.
25. Host an adult party.
26. Throw a birthday party for Bug. It technically wasn't a party, it was a birthday weekend with playdates on Friday and Saturday, and then a family party on Sunday. I feel this counts. 
27. Throw a birthday party for BK.
28. Perform 12 random acts of kindness. 1/12 Jan: We put quarters in all the machines at the movie theater arcade
29. Teach the Dumb Dog to use a leash. I guess I need to add the dumb puppy to this as well
30. Teach BK to swim. Not yet.
31. Take the children to the snow.
32. Make a snowman.
33. Go to Disneyland! Planned for October
34.  Go camping. I see this is on here twice. I guess this means I have to go camping twice!
35. Remodel our living room fireplace. The Agent committed to having this done by Jan 31st. That didn't happen.
36.  Make an apron for Bug.
37. Turn our backyard into a place I want to be. I have a vision, The Agent needs to execute it.
38. Work on having the house "popover guest" ready at all times. (looks around house) It looks terrible right now.
39. Take the children to The City.
40. Sign BK up for baseball.
41. Sign Bug up for piano.  Done! 
42. Take Bug on a date.
43. Take BK on a date. Done
44. Seriously organize the master bedroom.
45. Turn the second master closet into.... something better.
46.  Turn our bedroom into a sexy oasis.
47.  Improve on our chore system for the children.
48.  Open a bank account for Bug.
49.  Give the children an allowance every week.
50. Increase credit score by 50 points.
51. Become debt free. (we don't have any credit card debt-- this just means paying off the house).
52. Write a new list of 52 things

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