Thursday, July 31, 2014


I'm sad today.

The Agent said he would go to my grandfather's funeral with me, but I could tell he didn't really want to go. "I just think your mom would appreciate it if you picked her up and drove her and your sister to the funeral," he reasoned.

But when I called my mom, she said she was going up the day before and staying the night, and Kari wasn't going to to the funeral because she didn't have anyone to watch the kids. So, I could just drive up on my own.

The Agent knows this, but still has not offered to go to the funeral with me.

I called my Dad, to let him know that my grandfather died. I didn't expect him to go to the funeral, but he occasionally asks how the family is doing, and I didn't want him  to ask at Christmas and I'd have to say, "Oh, he died 5 months ago."

So, I told him, and my dad said, "Would you like Alice and I to go to the funeral?"

(yes. Absolutely. I need someone who loves me to sit next to me.)

"Oh, Dad... I don't know.... I'm ok, you don't need to go for me.... I mean, you can go if you'd like to, but you don't need to go for me. Plus, you know, it might be.... awkward." When a guy leaves his wife of 20 years for his mistress, the family tends not to think too highly of him.

"That's true," my dad said. "But I was part of that family for 20 years."

(I know, Daddy)

"But I'll have to talk to Alice about it," my dad continued, speaking of my stepmother. "You know, she thinks everyone from that family is in my past, and I shouldn't have anything to do with them, that she and Lucky are my family now. But you're part of that first family too, and forgetting about them means forgetting about you."

(too much too much too much)

"Well Dad, talk to Alice and let me know. I need to help BK to bed so I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"If we go, can we sit next to you?"

(yes, please)

"Sure, Dad. Of course. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I just need this to be over.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2014


It has been a busy summer. Is it wrong to say that I am so glad that school starts on Monday? I seriously don't know how stay at home moms do it. I am straight exhausted! We have been super busy, trying to check as many items off of our summer fun list as we can. We're not going to be able to get them all done, but we're close!

My grandfather that I wrote about here and here has died. The funeral is on Friday. This is over two years after I thought he was going to die, and he has suffered from dementia for years, but my mother is still taking it hard. I will be making the journey to my mother's hometown on Friday, to see aunts and uncles and cousins that I haven't seen in years. The Agent said he would go if I wanted him to, but he clearly didn't want to, so I'm leaving him at home and I'll just drive up with my mother and sister. Ugh.


My father got his test results back regarding his heart problem and they were inconclusive, so he has to go again next week. This is probably causing me the most stress, since my dad is being so flippant about it, so I don't know how serious it is. At one point, my Dad said the doctors told him he has a 25%  chance of living another 5 years and I about lost it. He said, "Don't worry, I told them that diagnosis was unacceptable and they needed to change it, so they did."

The doctors originally thought he had dilated cardiomyopathy, and that was ruled out. Then they thought he was suffering from heart failure, but that was ruled out, too. Now they think he has a blockage in one of his valves or arteries or whatever. They  think he already had a small heart attack, and now that's causing a blockage, but they couldn't find the block in any of the tests they ran last week.  So, he is going in for an angiogram next week. Continued prayers would be appreciated.


I am still overwhelmed at my job.  I was told it was going to get worse before it gets better, and I'm already at my breaking point. I am ready to throw in the towel, ready to tell them, "I can't do this anymore, put me in the mail room or something, because this job is just too much." But I did get some encouragement. Another manager said to me, "Hey, I've been watching you lately. I know you're really busy and you think you can't do it. This is a really hard time for your department right now. I've seen this before. It's times like this that people either sink or they stay with it and get stronger. I look at you, and I know you want to sink, but you're not going to. You're going to stick with it and you're going to get stronger, and when this is all over, you're going to be on top."

It was so what I needed to hear-- just that someone there gets me and knows what I'm going through. And I have to admit that the extra money is nice.


I haven't posted about my weight loss in the last two weeks... because I'm not losing. I've gained about 5 pounds back. And I haven't been able to go to the gym because The Agent has been working a lot of overtime and I've been with the kids. The  Agent said that this is should be his last week of OT, so I'm hoping I can get back on track next week.


Last week my coworker got married. I received a save the date, but never got an actual invitation, so I wasn't going to go. But on her last day at work before the wedding she said to me, "so I'll see you this weekend, right?" So she must have assumed I was going, and that's why I didn't get an invitation. And since we already had a babysitter and hadn't made other plans yet, we decided to go.

It was.... OK. The decorations were pretty, and the bride was beautiful. But here's the thing. The reception was at 6 pm, and at 8:30, dinner still hadn't been served. The Agent and I ducked out at that point and went out to dinner. We were starving! And we weren't the first to leave-- at least half of the guests left before we did.

I went to hug my friend goodbye, and she looked beautiful in her dress, and I knew it was last time I was going to see (she moved out of the state right after the wedding), so I had the photographer take a picture of us together. But right when the photographer was taking the picture, the groom walked out. He had changed from his military dress blues to jeans and a t-shirt. My friend lost it. "Scott! You can't change yet! We're still taking pictures! We have had a toast or cut the cake! Get in there and change back!" And she chased him back into his dressing room to yell at him in private. So I didn't my last picture with her, and our last memory is tainted by the silliness of her husband (even The Agent agreed that it was extremely foolish of him to change during the middle of the reception!).


I think I've updated you on everything going on in my life.... is there anything you read about once upon a time that I need to follow up on? Let me know!

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Monday, July 28, 2014

Bachelorette Finale!

I feel confident that this is the episode where Andi picks Josh, and Nick turns super creepy.

Nick gets to meet Andi's parents first, but I missed a good chunk of it because BK was screaming at the top of lungs for no apparent reason.That boy will be the death of me. More on that another day. Maybe.


So I didn't get to see a whole lot of time with Nick and her parents, but I was able to watch all of Josh's time with her parents. He was nervous and cute with them, and I'm sure that he did better than whatever douchebag Nick pulled out of his butt.

The next day, Josh and Andi have their last one on one date. They take a yacht out in the Caribbean and make out in the water.  They are very hot together. They clearly have chemistry.  He's a little cheesy-- he made her a baseball card with all her "stats" on it.

Josh Murray
Blind deer in the headlights look. You can't even handle Andi! link
Andi is hung up on the fact that he had Andi Murray printed on the card-- his last name. She thinks that's significant-- a man doesn't put his last  name with yours unless it's serious.  Fun fact: I had a boyfriend who wrote my name with his last name at a funeral guest book. We broke up a month later.    

Nick has his one on one time next and they go off-roading to a secret (mosquito laden) lagoon, where they have a little picnic.   They still make out, they still  their little moments, but, I don't know, it just doesn't seem as real as with Andi and Josh.  

Andi wakes up confident that she has  decided who she wants to be with. She says she has two great guys, but she knows she has to let one go.

So, while Josh is picking out rings with Neil Lane, Andi is knocking on Nick's door.

(cut to Chris Harrison and his tease about whether or not Farmer Chris is going to be  the next Bachelor. Just tell us already!)

Nick opens the door, and he knows there's drama. Nothing can be good when a girl shows up at your door on the day you're supposed to propose.

Instead of accepting failure gracefully, he questions her. "the things you say to me, the way you look at me.... I thought you felt the same way. Is this about us, or about someone else?" She doesn't answer, and I'm yelling at the tv. "DUDE! There's only two of you! OF COURSE there's another guy!"

The Agent is laughing this whole time. "Look at him, trying to tear up! Look at him, thinking he's going to be the next bachelor! He's such a dweeb!"

So, now Josh is the only guy left.  

He proposes, she says yes.

The End.

But wait, there's more!

Nick went a little bit crazy, and during the months between the filming of the finale and now, Nick tried to get in touch with her a couple of times, but Andi refused to see him (either because Nick was crazy or because Josh put the smack down and wouldn't let her, or maybe just because she knew that nothing could come out of talking to him). Dude. She doesn't love you. Get over it.

Andi has to be brutally honest and say she wasn't in love with Nick, and that's why she didn't pick him. And he totally outed her. "If you weren't in love with me, why did you make love to me?"

Wow, so Andi's a slut? Awesome. She admits it and makes no apologies. Girl needed to get some.

But it's not really cool to out someone on national television, and Andi is pissed. Best part of the season!

So they get rid of Nick and get Josh on the couch next to Andi. They are all rainbows and unicorns.

Survey: so if she slept with Nick and didn't pick him, she FOR SURE slept with Josh, right? So, who thinks she told Josh ahead of time that she also slept with Nick? That's not really something you announce: "Hey, Sweetie, remember the first time we had sex? I boned down with another guy the night before. Needed to take the ol' car for a test drive!" But man, I sure hope poor Josh wasn't hearing this for the first time!

Just so you know.... I will NOT be watching Bachelor in Paradise. Get your recaps from Reality Steve! I'll be recapping The Bachelor (hopefully Farmer Chris!) when it airs in January. See you then!

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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Broken hearted

"Mom, what does broken hearted mean?"

"Well, it usually means that you're pretty sad. Usually it means you can't be with someone you really love anymore, so you're sad. And when you're really sad, you can't eat or sleep, and your chest hurts, and you feel like you'll never love again, so people say their heart is broken."

"Oh.... but why is Grandpa's heart broken?"

Oh. It seems that Bug has been eavesdropping on my late night conversations with The Agent.

My father was recently diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy, which means that his ventricle is enlarged and it's affecting his ability to pump blood. We don't know how bad it is yet, but he's going to find out next week. It could be just a matter of taking a pill once a day, or he could nee a pacemaker. We'll see.

He says he feels fine. He only went to the doctor in the first place because he was getting out of breath whenever he exerted himself. "Like when we were at the jumpy house place for BK's birthday," he gave the example.

Ummm.... I get out of breath doing that, too. That's why I wore a dress to that party-- so I would have an excuse not to jump.

So, I'm a little stressed out by this, and I will be needing prayers while I wait for his test results, but my dad is optimistic. "This is nothing new," he joked. "I've always been told I have a big heart."

Oh, Dad...

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Monday, July 21, 2014

Bachelorette Men Tell All

The Men Tell All is tonight!

JP and Ashley come out first and reveal what most of the world already knew: Ashley is pregnant, due in early October. She is looking absolutely boobilicious. They reveal the sex of the baby on live tv-- it's a boy!

OK, so who thinks that JP and Ashley already knew the sex? They had to have known already, right? Because what if there was some kind of problem? You're not going to find out on live television!

So, thy come out and they're cute and all, but now it's time for the MTA!

I love that they're all wearing scarves. Hilarious!

Drama was brought out right away-- what exactly did Andrew say? Did he say that Andi pick the two blackies? Or did he just say "It's a  long night, can't wait until it's over?" It kinda backfired on JJ, with Farmer Chris (aka The Next Bachelor) saying that JJ should have manned up and said something right away, instead of skirting around the issue, the same with Andrew getting the girl's number.

Marquel is in the hot seat first-- and I'm really not sure why. Chris Harrison said that he was adored by fans everywhere... Really? I mean, he was a heck of a guy, really sweet, but he's no Farmer Chris!

The interview was very uneventful.... But he did pass out black and white cookies to everyone in the audience. That was pretty cute... Even if a producer baked them.

Marcus is in the hot seat next, as the first guy to say he loved her (way earlier than any other guy). I think he had too many feelings too soon and it scared Andi off. But that's ok. I suspect that Marcus is doing ok now.


Good Lord, he is looking hot. I take back everything I bad I said about him this season. That man looks good, and needs love!

Finally, my boyfriend Farmer Chris takes the hot seat. He loves Andi, she didn't love him. There are 8 million other girls ready to take her place. Random girl comes up and gets to sit with Chris and says she wants to date him. Is this a set up? It looks super lame. She gave him her number? What a slut!

Finally, Andi takes the stage. If you only saw the previews, take note: Andi is NOT pregnant!

But Chris does have the lie detector results. Chris, Brian, and JJ told no lies. Of course.

The guys who did tell lies didn't tell anything that revealing. Marcus has slept with more than 20 women. Dylan told a bunch of lies, but they were all lame.

Josh told two lies... and we don't what they are. She decides she doesn't want to know what the lies are. Whatever, Andi. You're lame.

The End

Except.... what was the drama at the end? She's wearing a different dress, and Chris Harrison gives her a letter written by one of the two final guys. When was this filmed? What does it mean? Why didn't she read it right away? Is it all a hoax?

To be continued....

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Friday, July 18, 2014

Wedding Etiquette Dilemma

I have a wedding etiquette dilemma. 

Months ago, I got a save the date for my coworker's wedding reception, via facebook. We're friends, and her daughter is my regular babysitter, but we don't really hang out outside of work. I replied yes to the save the date  and got a babysitter (a new girl) and I’ve had several conversations with her about her wedding planning since then. The reception is this Friday.  

But I never got an invitation. I assumed that she just wasn’t sending them out, but I found out yesterday that she did send out invitations (she just handed them out yesterday).
So, do you think she didn’t send me an invitation because she knew I was going? Or maybe she thinks she already sent me one? Or should I not go? Maybe she changed her mind? Maybe her guest list got too large and she had to make cuts?
I don’t know what to do…. The save the dates were sent through Facebook and the invites were sent less than a week before the actual event, so it's not like this is going to be a fancy occasion. If I don’t go and she’s expecting me, that would be rude. But if I show up and she didn’t actually invite me, that would be MORTIFYING! 
The Agent says we should not crash a wedding reception if we didn't get an actual invitation, and he is all too happy to miss the reception, and use the babysitter to have a date night with just the two of us. And my coworker is  moving out of state next week, so it’s not like I’ll ever see her again…. What do you think? Is there a way to get clarification about this without completely embarrassing myself? 

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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I sold my soul to the devil


I went in to my boss's office on Friday, determined to change my career path. I'm not getting promoted, it's career suicide to go down a step, and I don't like the job I'm in now, so where does that leave me? Who cares if it's career suicide? I'm not getting promoted anyway, so what really changes? I'm not as stressed? My salary caps out a little sooner? I can live with that.

So, I went in and told my boss that. He said he could understand my position, and if I have made the decision to put my family first, he can respect that. Yes. Get me out of this stupid position.

So, I went back to my desk, feeling a little nervous about my future, but mostly ok. Less than ten minutes later, my boss was back at my desk, asking me to come in to his office.

Crap. What now?

It seems that he worked the numbers, and I wasn't getting paid enough for the work I was doing, so I got a raise. 3.8% salary increase.

That's huge.

I went out to lunch immediately after that and cried.

It's not worth it to take a manager position and commute for an hour anymore, even if one did become available. I could still decide to step down, and I wouldn't lose any money, but I better hope that this is enough to get me through the next 15 years, because I don't see a whole lot of raises in my future.

I'm not dumb. I suspect that my boss used those ten minutes on the phone with HR, saying "Dude. We're going to lose The Lovely One. What can I do to sweeten the deal?"  And HR ran the numbers, and recommended that they throw money at me, and see if I bite.

F. Stupid high paying job.

The Agent is beyond excited about this new development. He only sees the perks: evening and weekends off, a ten minute commute, catered lunches at least once a month, limited overnight travel... ugh.

14 years and 4 months until retirement.

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