Just your average Christmas party

I had my department holiday party last week, so The Agent and I got a babysitter and went out in an effort to be social.

I didn't tell The Agent until we were on our way that there wouldn't be any alcohol there.

The Agent is pretty shy, and he needs some "liquid courage" in order to endure the small talk required at these things. So he sat in a corner at the party, listening to the conversation around him and silently cussing me for not allowing him to drink before we arrived.

But what he didn't know, and I did, was that with the people I work with,  you don't need to drink in order to be entertained.

Allow me to give you a few conversation nuggets:

One of my coworkers was telling The Agent a story  about a mutual coworker who keeps a jar of cashews at his desk. She had grabbed a handful of cashews out of the jar, but then dropped the jar on the floor, making a huge mess.

"So I'm kneeling on the floor with Tom's nuts in my hand, and I really wanted to eat them, but everyone was staring at me." She doesn't even realize how sexual she sounds, and The Agent is nearly choking trying to hold himself together.

"You really like Tom's nuts then, do you?" The Agent asked with a straight face.

"I LOVE them!"

His nuts are in her hands


****************

At another point, I heard someone tell The Agent that it's a proven fact that people who fold their toilet paper have IQ's 30 to 60 points higher than people who crumple their toilet paper.

"How would you even  test that?" The Agent asked.

"My cousin wrote his senior thesis on it. He got an A. Think about it the next time you're on the john."

It was time to call it a night at that point.

there is a surprisingly large amount of choices if you google scrunch v fold

The Agent and I thanked our hostess for a lovely evening, and I said goodbye to my coworkers. The Agent opened the car door for me, helped me in, then got in himself and drove away.

"Babe," he said, "You work with some effin'  crazy people."

I laughed while The Agent spent the next ten minutes ranting. "How do you not have the best numbers in your department? How is the crazy not rubbing off on you? You are officially not allowed to talk to any of them. Seriously, Babe. How do you make it at work every day? Everything I heard was crazier than the last.  I really needed to pee, but I didn't want to miss anything!"

"Well, and then plus everyone would have asked you if you folded or crumpled the paper."