2019 Word of the Year

Hi.

Happy New Year and all that. I went to yoga class today, which will likely be the only time I go this year, but Hey! At least I can say I've worked out in 2019.

I used to come up with a word of the year when I blogged before, a word that was going to be my focus for the year. I stopped doing it, because I never really focused on it after the first of January.
But there is one word that is so obviously going to be my mantra for 2019, I have to share it.

Change. 

I mean, duh. My life is going to drastically change in less than three months. Whether we pick up and move to Arizona or if I start a new job here in Cali or if I become a stay at home mom, it's going to be a huge change. 

It's kind of exciting when you think about it. No matter what, my life is going to be way different by the end of the year. 

A reason to stay

So, my husband decided that if we weren't going to move, if I was going to be unemployed, and if he was going to be the sole breadwinner, he needed to go to his boss and explain the situation and see if he could get a raise. His company is very small, and could close permanently at any time, so he was hoping to get some kind of clarity on the company's future.  Unfortunately (or not, depending on how you look at it), my husband has been with the company for 28 years, and his salary has been maxed out for some time. We werent expecting much. Still, it doesn't hurt to ask. And really, I was hoping that they would make an offer we couldn't refuse, and it would give us a reason to stay.

So, he asked.

And now I'm annoyed.

His company was very generous. They gave him a 10% raise, effective immediately. They will give him an additional  $9000 "stay on" bonus on April 1, which is the Monday after my office closes. They told him that the company has at least three years of business ahead of them.

But here's the problem.

They didn't really give him any reason to stay.

They gave him the raise immediately, whether he leaves or not. It's true that he only gets the stay on bonus if we stay, but $9000 really isn't that much, and that's before taxes. The stay on bonus isn't going to make or break us.

Here's the worse part.

They offered him a remote position. So there's no reason whatsoever to stay.

True, the remote position is not going to last forever. In fact, my husband doesn't expect it to last longer than 6 months. But still, that's 6 months longer than we were originally expecting, which will put us in an even better position if we go.

So, that didn't help us make our decision at all.

The T-Bar

One of my friends suggested I make a T-Bar--- you, know, list all the reasons to go in one column, and all the reasons to stay in the other. I wasn't going to do it, because I constantly have a T-Bar going in my head. Plus, there are some reasons that I feel are worth two or even three entries ("live with family guilt for the rest of my life" should be at worth at least seven entries, right?). But this will go back to writing about my problems. If I write it out, it might bring clarity. So here we go. 

Reasons to go:

• ·         There is less crime in the Arizona city than in the California city.
• ·         theArizona cities are cleaner than the Stockton city (very little graffiti, garbage on the ground, etc)
• ·         There is room for growth at my job if we move to Arizona. My husband has reached the top of his salary. 
• ·         We can afford the type of house we want in Arizona. We can not do that in California.
• ·         I pay the medical insurance, and my company offers better insurance than at my husband's company.
• ·         There is a chance that my husband will be able to work remotely from Arizona temporarily. There is no chance of my company making the same offer for me. 
• ·         Although our bank account will take an initial hit, after 5 years it is projected to exceed what we would have saved had we stayed in California.
• ·         The Arizona tuition for residents is less than the California tuition for residents.
• ·         The taxes in Arizona are less than the taxes in California.
• ·         The chances of me being able to secure a new job in California for the same pay is slim.
• ·         Any new job I get may not provide nights and weekends off, or give me the same work-life balance that my company provides.

Reasons to stay:

• ·         If something happens to my dad and I’m not able to get to him in time, I will have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life.
• ·         We are projected to have more money in our savings account at the end of five years if we stay.
• ·         The children are already in an excellent school—There is no guarantee that they will get in to a charter school in Arizona, and the public schools are very poorly rated.
• ·         The house that we wanted is no longer for sale, and there are no other houses that we like.
• ·         There are 95 days until we would HAVE to move (and 84 days until we WANTED to move). That is not enough time to do everything we wanted to do before we moved, when we’re both working every day.
• ·         There is no guarantee that we would be able to sell our California house before we left. Therefore two mortgages.
• ·         Our dog is extremely old. We do not think she would do well in Arizona. If we moved, she likely would not go with us. 
• ·         There will be snakes and scorpions in our backyard in Arizona.
• ·         The temperature averages over 100 for 3 months of the year. And it’s over 90 for 2 additional months. 

      Is there any clarity? Does the answer magically pop out at you? 

Merry Christmas!

We probably can't take pictures like this in Arizona, can we?

Problem writing

Hi.

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

The last time I posted-- way back in April of 2017-- I was writing about something as trivial as weight loss.

Oh, isn't that cute.

Don't worry, I've still be around. My instagram feed is full of  daily happenings of me and my family. We're all fine, thank you for asking.

Ever since I was a little girl, I wrote about my problems. I kept a diary for years, writing about all my problems about boys and friends and parents and teachers. After I got married and had children, I continued my diary in the form of a blog, writing about my problems with work and adoption and family.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped doing that.

But now, it's time to get back to basics. I have a problem, and writing about it is going to help.

This all started over a year ago, in October of 2017. Our office received an announcement that the company was going to open a new office, in Arizona. The office was going to do California work, but would just be housed in Arizona.

At first, I wasn't worried. We needed help, so we were glad they were opening another office. I really didn't care where they opened it. Open it in Antarctica, for  all I care.

But then another office opened in Arizona, and then another. Meanwhile, there was a hiring freeze in California. Rumors were flying.

And then, a bombshell-- we were told that eventually, all California business would be handled out of Arizona. No one was losing their jobs, everyone was invited to continue their employment.

In Arizona.

And here lies the problem. I live in California. And an 11 hour commute each day might be too difficult. But my office is closing at the end of March.

For some people, the choice was easy.  The single parents, the one-income families, and those whose spouses had transferable jobs had signed their paperwork and were moved within the month. The other side of the spectrum-- those about to retire, or had less than 5 years with the company, or those who had spouses with significantly higher salaries-- never even thought of moving. Many of them have already found new jobs and have left the company.

And then there's me.

I have been with the company for 16 years. My ability to perform any other job is questionable, and no one on God's green earth would ever pay me what I'm making now. I'm only 45, so I can't retire yet. My husband's job is not transferable. His salary is higher than mine, but he has maxed out on his salary, whereas I have not. He works for a small privately owned company that may be sold off any day. I work for a major corporation that isn't going anywhere.  My children are in an excellent charter school here in California. Our medical insurance is through my company, and the  benefits offered by my husband's company aren't nearly as good. My mother and my best friend have both wished me well in Arizona. My father and my stepmother have said family is the most important thing, and my family is in California. I have lived in California all my life,  I know nothing else. We can buy a home on an acre with a pool  in Arizona for less money than a two room shack in California. It is approximately 294 degrees in Arizona from May until October each year. There are strange dust stroms called haboobs. I currently live in the city that was named the second most dangerous city in California.  My husband and I have made charts and spreadsheets and discussed this every night for months. We literally change our mind from day to day on the best course of action.

You see how my thoughts are all over the place? I have no idea what to do. 

Ash Wednesday

It's my daughter's 11th birthday today. Happy birthday, Baby Bug!

It is also Ash Wednesday. And if you're a good Catholic girl.... well, you're probably not ready this. But if you're a regular Catholic girl, just doing the best you can, then you might be thinking about giving up something for Lent.

That's where I'm at right now. What am I going to give up? It needs to be something meaningful, a true sacrifice. But it also needs to be something achievable. There's no point in setting myself up for failure.

But here's the thing. I've already given up coffee and soda. I haven't been going out to fast food and I've cut out a lot of sugar. I don't have rice or pasta or bread. Foodwise, I really only have two vices: French fries and alcohol.

I ate my share of french fries while I was in Vegas last weekend. They're so good! They're my weakness. But I also drank my share of alcohol this weekend, too. The weekend would not have been as good without alcohol... or french fries.

So, I covet both of these indulgences. If I'm being honest, I probably covet alcohol more than french fries. So  it makes sense to give up alcohol, right?

Right.... but man. It's a long time until Easter. And there's crab feeds and birthdays  and basketball and baseball and girl scout cookie booths. Yeah... I just don't think I can do it.

Maybe I should just give up red meat instead.

weight loss while travelling, part 2

I had been worried about eating while on my trip. It was really hard when all the menus looked like this:

And then all the meals looked like this:

And then there was a whole lot of this mixed in:

But here's what worked for me.

I didn't eat any bread. Well, very little. I had a 1/4 of a croissant, and a bite of a danish. But no sandwiches and no rolls at dinner.

I had the dressing on the side. Actually, I was only able to do this with one salad, as the other salads I had came with the dressing on them and I didn't have a choice. Luckily, those were light vinaigrettes. But for the third night, they put the creamy dressing on the side. I said no thank you to dressing all together that night.

I didn't have any rice or potatoes. See that heap of potatoes in the picture above? Yeah, that stayed on the plate. I did eat about 10 truffle fries one night, but then I passed the rest around my dinner table. Let me tell you, those ten truffle fries were AMAZING.

I skipped dessert. I have a weakness for cheesecake, and they served that on the last night. I did have two or three bites of the cheesecake but I left the rest, and I said no thank you to dessert all together on the other nights.

I indulged when I wanted to. All this sacrifice was because I knew I was going to drink a whole lot. And I did.


The end result? I lost half a pound! Hey, when I thought I would be lucky not to gain, I'll take that!

liquid courage

So. I survived my work trip.

I drank a lot, and I ate very little. In fact, I probably ate TOO little, and I for SURE drank too much.

When it was time to be in a meeting, I was on. I was poised and professional. I contributed to the conversation without being overbearing.

After each day of meetings.... well, not so much.

The first night I was ok. I enjoyed several beverages but didn't go overboard.

In bed by a decent hour

The second night was a little worse. My team went bowling, and I am a terrible bowler. I drank several beers, hoping that I would get a little better. I didn't. But I was still able to maintain, and I didn't drink at dinner and only had one cocktail afterwards, so I was still ok.

The third night.... wow.

It was the roaring 20's costume party, and I was wearing a dress out of my comfort zone, along with two girls much younger, thinner, and prettier than I am. I needed some liquid courage.

Oh my. I was courageous.

It is a little comfort that several people went out AFTER the party and they did a few things that I KNOW I didn't do. I've also looked through several photos and I don't see anything incriminating. 

Ugh.


 

Packing

I'm sitting on my couch, with an open suitcase in front of me and laundry piled all around me. I have to pack for stupid work trip. It's giving me major anxiety.

This is going to be a conference filled with rich, beautiful people. They can afford designer wardrobes and personal trainers.

I am neither rich nor beautiful. My wardrobe is straight from Target. My personal trainer is You Tube.

And the clothes I do have are ill fitting. My big clothes are now too big but my skinny clothes are still too tight. And it's in the desert,  so it's going to be warm. It's a lot easier to hide  my size under a sweater than under a thin shirt. If only the conference was in another month or two, so I had a chance to lose another 10-20 pounds!

And the masquerade-- the friggin' 1920's themed  mystery dinner theater. Lord help me.

Other than the masquerade dinner, the conference is casual. So I have my dress, hose and shoes for the dinner. I have two pairs of jeans and a pair of capris for the other days. I have work out clothes in case I have the wild desire to exercise. I need a couple of nice shirts to wear with the jeans, and maybe a sundress to wear if we go out for drinks one night, and something to wear when lounging around the hotel....

Dang, I'm going to need to pack like four pairs of shoes. Good thing I'm checking my luggage.

weight loss while travelling

I'll be leaving soon to go on a week-long conference for work.

I know from past years that these conferences are very difficult if you are trying to eat healthy and lose weight. They give you three big meals a day, plus snacks are available all day long. There's an open bar at night, and the food is... not the healthiest.

Two weeks after my conference, I will be going to Las Vegas with some friends for a girls weekend. More food and more drinks.

These events were planned months ago. When I decided to go on this weight loss journey, I told myself if I had a really good January, I would allow myself to splurge in February by not worrying about what I ate or drank, and then I could get back on track.

I had a really good January.

But do I really want to undo all the hard work, just for a couple of days of fun?

No, I don't think so.

I think I'll be ok, not drinking any coffee or soda. I know they'll have water and tea. Limiting myself to one cocktail in the evening might be tough-- let me tell you, the people at these conferences can drink! But still, I think I'll be ok.

Meals will be harder. Meals are eaten with the group. I remember breakfast being served buffet style-- eggs, breakfast meats, potatoes, lots of pastries. I don't remember any vegetables, but I think there was fruit. I think I'll be ok with that. I'll eat eggs and wheat toast, maybe a banana.

Lunches were either a working boxed lunch (like a Panera sandwich, chips, and an apple), and I think one day they served grilled chicken and burgers. I think that will be ok, too. I don't remember there being a salad option, but there must have been. I can eat my burger and my panera sandwich with no bread, pass on the chips, look for salad.

Dinners were.... gosh. I don't really remember. I think there were some carving stations, so that should be ok. I remember there being a taco bar. Lots of rolls, cheeses, cold cuts. Again, I don't remember there being any salads or vegetables, but there must have been. Maybe I just passed by them last year, because who wants to eat vegetables?

I think if I can remain flat, and just not gain any weight that week, I'll be ok.



 

I want to be the only one

My husband went to the grocery store the other day, getting our groceries for the week. Part of the key to weight loss is planning ahead, so we make our menu for the week and then buy all the groceries at once.

As I was putting the groceries away, I noticed that he didn't buy the case of beer that he normally buys each week. "Hey Babe, where's your 805?" I asked.

My husband informed me that he decided to quit drinking. "You're trying to lose weight, and I support you," he said. "You've been working hard, so I wanted to try, too."

I don't know why, but this kind of upsets me.

I love that he supports me. But I'm doing so well, and now he's going to stop drinking beer and probably lose 20 pounds in one weekend. I don't know why this is so bothersome to me. Why can't we both ose weight? Why can't we both be successful?

I don't know, but we can't. I want to be the only successful one.

This makes me want to eat a whole can of Pringles.

Eating Dinner at Someone Else's House

We went to my parents' house last night for my stepmother's birthday. This was the first time we had seen them since Christmas.

They didn't know that I was trying to lose weight, nor did they notice that I had lost any. But that's ok. I'm so tall, that you really can't tell I've lost anything until at least 20 pounds.

Because this was my stepmother's birthday, she got to choose the menu. She chose spaghetti, chicken with a creamy mushroom sauce, and an ice cream cake with red velvet cake and chocolate ice cream.

I needed to eat, and I couldn't bring my own food. So, what do you do when you're eating at someone else's house  and you're at their mercy? Here's what I did:

* I filled up on salad. My grandmother always makes a salad with every meal, and it usually goes untouched. I filled my plate with lettuce, tomatoes, avocados, and all the other yummy ingredients in the salad. No dressing needed-- the avocado had enough fat to break down the lettuce.

* I kept my water glass filled. My family must think I am a huge drinker. My grandfather had a glass of champagne waiting for me when I arrived. That was ok, I had planned to have one glass, and I had budgeted that in to my day. But 30 minutes later, my father wondered why I hadn't refilled my glass. Then my stepmother wanted to give me a glass of wine at dinner. When I said no thank you, my grandfather accused me of being a "fuddy duddy." But I kept my water glass filled at all times and sipped and was a lot easier to pass on a second glass that way.

* I had a little of everything. I'm not rude. If my grandmother spends all afternoon making spaghetti and meat sauce, you better believe I'm going to eat some. But nobody said I had to eat all of it! I had a serving spoon full of spaghetti, half a chicken breast (with the delicious mushroom cream sauce), and a whole lost of salad. I probably had half of what the other adults had, but it was still enough to satisfy me.

* I enjoyed dessert. Did you think I wasn't going to have a piece of birthday cake? Most of the time, I don't even LIKE sweets. I'm more of a salty Pringles girl. But it was a party, and I had a small slice. It was the best ice cream cake I had ever had.

So that was how I enjoyed my evening, without any guilt!

This is why I probably shouldn't exercise

So, it was the first of the year, and I made this vow to eat less and move more. We didn't have anything planned for the day, so I asked the kids what they wanted to do.

My daughter had just received a new pair of roller skates for Christmas, and she wanted to go to the rollerskating rink. Cool, we can do that. I used to be a pretty mean skater back in the day. Of course that was 20+ years ago, but I figured it was like riding a bike, right?

We went to the rink, and my daughter started skating right away. My son is not a skater, so he took his time around the rink. I stayed with him for the first couple of rounds, while I got my skating legs back, and then I started skating on my own.

Let me tell you: It IS like riding a bike! It all came back to me! How to bend, how to turn... I even spun around and did some backwards skating so I could talk to the kids! I was an expert! And I bet this was GREAT exercise! I had visions of coming to the rink every weekend.

There was a boy skating in front of me, going pretty fast. I remembered when I could go that fast! I started to pick up speed, and soon I was overtaking him. Look at me! I'm Awesome!

And then.

For a good 10 seconds, I wasn't falling yet, but I was ALMOST falling. What do I do? Tuck and roll! Fall to your knees! No, I can do this, and I can keep my balance..... 

CRASH!

tuck in your fingers so no one rolls them over.... roll on to your knees to you can get up.... Get up before anyone comes here... good Lord, how is a 240 pound woman supposed to get up quickly?

By the time I was standing up, there was quite the crowd around me. I skated my way off the rink and went to sit with my husband, who came with us but was smart enough not to put on skates.

"Did you see me fall?" I asked.

"No! And I'm so upset I missed it! I would have filmed it! Describe it for me! Did you yell 'ARRRRGH!' as you came crashing down? Can you do it again? I want to see it!"

He's so supportive.

all three of us... before the fall

I came home with a bruise on my knee (which is weird because I thought I landed on my bottom) and a bruise on my wrist. By the end of the day, the pain had radiated to my shoulder, and I could barely walk.

My husband was pretty upset about my wrist. "You could have broken your wrist! I TOLD you not to put your hands out when you're falling!"

Like I had any control whatsoever.

I took Advil for the next 4 days, but obviously nothing was broken, so there was no reason to go to the doctor. Besides, as my luck would have it, my health insurance changed in 2017 to a high deductible-- totally my luck to be injured on the very first day of the new plan!

Caffeine Withdrawals

I think I mentioned that I quit caffeine. I take creamer in my coffee, and since I'm trying to give up on sugar, and caffeine and artificial  sweeteners really aren't that good for you, anyway, I decided to quit coffee and soda... at least for now.

I was ok at first. It wasn't until day 2 or 3 that I really thought I was going to die. I thought I had the flu! My muscles ached, I had a headache, I was just not ok. I went to bed at 7:15 that night.

Luckily, I didn't have the mood swings that people talk about.... or maybe my husband was just very afraid of me and stayed out of my way.

Now I'm on day 11, and I'm feeling like myself again! Woo hoo! Here's what worked for me:

I drank green tea (which has some caffeine, but less than a cup of coffee) for the first couple of days, to try to gradually wean myself off, then switched to completely caffeine free tea.

I switched to sparkling water. When I drink a soda, it's because I crave that fizzy burn going down my throat. Sparkling soda water does the same thing. No calories, no caffeine, no sugar. Good stuff. My brain thinks it's drinking a Diet Pepsi!

I powered through. I read somewhere that only 50% of caffeine drinkers experience withdrawal symptoms, and only 50% of those people experience a headache. Count me in that group. My headache was terrible! I was on Advil (for another matter that I guess I'll talk about on Friday), but it did absolutely nothing for the pain. I ended up just going to bed-- only the darkness helped. But I felt a lot better  when I woke up. The very worse withdrawals only last for about three days, so the best thing to do is to power through!


Have you given up on coffee and soda? What works for you?

Motivation

Hi. It's been awhile. I don't know if I'm back, I'm just writing. 

 Before the new year started, I told myself I was going to enjoy the week between Christmas and New Year's, but then on January 1st, the crap food goes away. 

 Today is day 3. I'm doing good so far. But I also know that there may come a day in the near future when I just stop for some unknown reason, and then before I know it, I'm back to square one. 

 I need some kind of motivation.

 "You don't need to lose weight," my husband said. "You look gorgeous. I just want you to be happy. Remember that night you wore the black dress? You were happy then. So you were, what? Like 10 pounds less than you are now?" 

The Black Dress

I remember the night of the black dress. That was on our anniversary, six years and 50 pounds ago. I told him as much. 

 He was shocked. "No way was that 50 pounds. If you lost 50 pounds, you would look sickly." 

 No. I would look like a sexy girl in a black dress. And I would still want to lose another 20 pounds.

 "OK," my husband said. "How about this. You get back to the black dress size, where you looked like you were really happy with the way you looked, and we'll go on a cruise. OK?"

 OK.

I don't own the back dress anymore. I tried it on about a year after I wore it and I ripped it as I was trying to get it over my hips. Instead of trying to repair it, I  threw it away in tears of frustration and disappointment. But that's ok. There are other black dresses.

And I was happy that night. That was September of 2010,  after 5 months of steadily losing weight. I had lost 40 pounds since that April. I was proud of my accomplishment.

Now I need to lose more, and I'm older now, so it will be harder. But I know it can be done.  

Perhaps I will start using this as a weight loss blog....

Hey ya'll.

I'm going to take a bit of a bloggy break. Maybe it will be forever, maybe not. But it's not like I was writing all that much, anyway, so we'll see how the little break goes.

What will I be doing on my time off? Reading, mostly. I have a new found love for Liane Moriarty, so I've been reading all of her books. I also want time to read all of YOUR fabulous blogs! I'm really looking forward to that!

So, I'm here, I'm still alive, and hopefully you'll see me in your comments. Talk to you soon!

13 things that are right in front of me

Ok, I need to get back in to blogging. I'm going to start out small. Forgetfulone recently posted a blog about 13 things that she could see in front of her right now. Here my list:

1. The TV. I'm watching Bachelor in Paradise on Demand right now. I wasn't going to watch it, but everyone at work was talking about it, and The Agent is out playing poker, so I decided to binge watch. It's not anything to get excited about.

2. 4 Baskets of laundry. To be fair, it's all clean laundry. It just needs to be hung up and put away. I'm waiting for a child or a husband to volunteer to help put it away. It's been there for three days now.

3. The cat. More specifically, Bug's cat. There's something wrong with this friggin' cat. He hates the world. If you try to pet him, he's flinch and cower like you're trying to beat him. But he loves Bug. He leans into her hand when she pets him, and curls  up on her lap when she's sitting on the couch. And then when Bug goes to bed, this fool cat goes to bed with her and sleeps with his head on her pillow. Nutty cat.


4. My laptop. Duh.

5. Several toys and books belonging to the short people in the house. Seriously, can't they put ANYTHING away?

6. A Weird brass flamingo. So, my stepmother's aunt died, and her mother (so, my stepgrandmother?) was given this life sized brass flamingo that was found in the house. Alice's mom put the flamingo in her living room and it worked perfectly in there, because, well, her living room was last redecorated in the mid seventies. So then we're over at their house for some holiday and The Agent fell in love with the flamingo. So what does Alice's mom do? She straight gives us the flamingo. And I'm like, "no, please, I'm sure it has sentimental value,  please don't make me keep that ugly brass bird in my house." So now Freddie Flamingo lives in our living room. And not in a corner. Straight in the middle of everything. Watching me like a creeper.

See the unfinished wood in the background? See #10.

7. The house phone. There are only three people who call me on the house phone: Mom, Dad, and BFF. I have received 3 phone calls tonight, from none of those people. Freakin' telephone solicitors. Luckily, I have caller id, so I didn't answer the phone at all, and they didn't leave messages, which is also annoying.

8. A notepad. Filled with sentences written by BK. On the 7th day of school (which was Tuesday), BK's teacher called me and asked if there was "a bathroom issue" she should know about. It seems that BK went to the bathroom during class 5 times over the last two days, even after he said he went at recess. I told the teacher there are no bathroom issues, he just wants to get out of class. Duh. So, as punishment, BK had a fill a page with "I will go to the  bathroom at recess."

9. A pizza box. Ummmm...... yeah. We had pizza two weeks ago. The Agent wanted to save it for some reason. Just call us the Hoarders.

10. The fireplace. Two years ago, almost three now, The Agent put a big hole in my living room when he ripped out my fireplace. 6 months ago, he finally put in the new fireplace and the shelving I've been asking for.... and then he stopped. It still needs to be painted and the baseboards needs to be installed.... but I haven't been complaining because at least there's not a big hole there anymore. Maybe it will be completed someday.

11. Bug's backpack. I should probably check to make sure she did all her homework...

12. My Yeti. Do you guys know about the Yeti? Oh my, I think it's it's going to make my list of my favorite things in 2016. It's basically just a steel cup that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. In the evening I enjoy a cocktail (today it was vodka and soda), and in the morning, the ice will still be in the tumbler. My friends, this is California. It's 9 o'clock at night and it's still 82 degrees out. The ice should have become water in about 26 minutes.

13. Pretzel Crisps by Snack Factory. This is my new crack.

What's right in front of you right now?

Drama in the world

There's drama in the world.

People are shooting each other.

People are judging each other in the face of tragedy.

People are hating each other.

Why?

Why do we treat people this way?

I'm not saying we have to love everyone, or even like everyone.

But when did we start to think so little of the human soul that it became easier to destroy one than to tolerate one?

It makes me sad to think about the future.

My neighbors are all carrying guns.

Politicians are screaming for gun control.

I don't know what the right answer is.

I just want to live in a world where I don't have to worry that my children might be shot while walking to the park.

May results and June goals

Another month down and I still don't have a lot to say, but that's ok!

*Lose three more pounds. Finally, a good month for weight loss! May 1: 241.1. June 1: 238.0. Whoo hoo! I've been working hard on the Lovely Diet Plan (which is essentially logging everything I eat and calorie counting).

*Create our summer bucket list. Done! The kids love creating this list every Summer. You can read about this year's list here.

*Create a You Tube Video for Bug. I still didn't get to this, and Bug hasn't been asking. Out of sight, out of mind.

*Go on a date without the kids. We went out not once, but twice! First we went to my girlfriend's 40 birthday party, and then the very next night, we went out to dinner with the other parents from BK's baseball team. A bit of a bummer that it wasn't spread out a little more, but at least we got out of the house!

And I also read two more books in May, making the total 23 for the year:

The Swan House by Elizabeth Musser

find it here 

This book was only ok to me, which is probably why it took almost the entire month to read it. It was about a young rich debutante named Mary Swan,  growing up in Atlanta in the 1960's. When her mother dies tragically, her housekeeper takes Mary Swan with her to volunteer at a soup kitchen on the other side of town. While there, Mary Swan questions everything about her society and the life she's always known.

So this was a book that's supposed to make you think and question the way people do things. It was about discrimination and segregation and the differences between the rich and the poor.  Not my cup of tea. I'd rather have a good love story.... so I was particularly annoyed when the book ended and we don't know if Mary Swan ended up with the guy (there is a sequel that answers this question, but I will not be reading it. You can read it and tell me what happens).

Twenty-Eight and a Half Wishes by Denise Grover Swank

find it here

I got this book because it was free, but what a cute story! This girl has always been a plain Jane outcast, but she's special because she can have visions of future events, but that makes you kind of creepy in a small town in Arkansas. So she's an outcast, but then one day she sees her own murder in a vision. She knows she's about to die, so she starts to really live for the first time in her life.

This book was the first in a series, and I liked it enough that I've already read the next three books so far in June! There's like 8 books in the series, so I'll have plenty of reading material this Summer!


Now, we're on to June!

* Lose 5 More Pounds. I'm on a roll, let's keep it up!

* Have a birthday party for BK. BK turns 7 in June. He already blew it, and can't have a party with all his friends (I guess I better write about that at some point). But he's still having a birthday, so he'll still have a party with the family, and I'll make it cute and fun. And bonus: I saved about $400 by not having it at the laser tag place like we were planning! #silverlining

* Build a relationship with the boss. I have a new boss, who just started on May 31st. I've only met him a couple of times, but my position works very closely with him, so June will be spent getting to know each other, how we tick, all that.

* Teach BK how to swim. We didn't join the swim team this year. Bug was at the point that she needed to start getting competitive, and she just wasn't feeling it. We decided to just stick to the HOA pool, so we could all enjoy it, and I could spend some one on one time with BK to get him to learn to swim. I'm not sure that we'll be able to accomplish this in June, but it's definitely one of our goals for the summer.

Happy Summer!