Problem writing

Hi.

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

The last time I posted-- way back in April of 2017-- I was writing about something as trivial as weight loss.

Oh, isn't that cute.

Don't worry, I've still be around. My instagram feed is full of  daily happenings of me and my family. We're all fine, thank you for asking.

Ever since I was a little girl, I wrote about my problems. I kept a diary for years, writing about all my problems about boys and friends and parents and teachers. After I got married and had children, I continued my diary in the form of a blog, writing about my problems with work and adoption and family.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped doing that.

But now, it's time to get back to basics. I have a problem, and writing about it is going to help.

This all started over a year ago, in October of 2017. Our office received an announcement that the company was going to open a new office, in Arizona. The office was going to do California work, but would just be housed in Arizona.

At first, I wasn't worried. We needed help, so we were glad they were opening another office. I really didn't care where they opened it. Open it in Antarctica, for  all I care.

But then another office opened in Arizona, and then another. Meanwhile, there was a hiring freeze in California. Rumors were flying.

And then, a bombshell-- we were told that eventually, all California business would be handled out of Arizona. No one was losing their jobs, everyone was invited to continue their employment.

In Arizona.

And here lies the problem. I live in California. And an 11 hour commute each day might be too difficult. But my office is closing at the end of March.

For some people, the choice was easy.  The single parents, the one-income families, and those whose spouses had transferable jobs had signed their paperwork and were moved within the month. The other side of the spectrum-- those about to retire, or had less than 5 years with the company, or those who had spouses with significantly higher salaries-- never even thought of moving. Many of them have already found new jobs and have left the company.

And then there's me.

I have been with the company for 16 years. My ability to perform any other job is questionable, and no one on God's green earth would ever pay me what I'm making now. I'm only 45, so I can't retire yet. My husband's job is not transferable. His salary is higher than mine, but he has maxed out on his salary, whereas I have not. He works for a small privately owned company that may be sold off any day. I work for a major corporation that isn't going anywhere.  My children are in an excellent charter school here in California. Our medical insurance is through my company, and the  benefits offered by my husband's company aren't nearly as good. My mother and my best friend have both wished me well in Arizona. My father and my stepmother have said family is the most important thing, and my family is in California. I have lived in California all my life,  I know nothing else. We can buy a home on an acre with a pool  in Arizona for less money than a two room shack in California. It is approximately 294 degrees in Arizona from May until October each year. There are strange dust stroms called haboobs. I currently live in the city that was named the second most dangerous city in California.  My husband and I have made charts and spreadsheets and discussed this every night for months. We literally change our mind from day to day on the best course of action.

You see how my thoughts are all over the place? I have no idea what to do.