Not BK, he’s golden. People are amazed with what a good baby he is. He is obedient and respectful and quiet. I smile and say that he’s learning from his sister on what NOT to do.
Bug is the naughty one.
She’s so smart. She questions everything. And she doesn’t do anything that she doesn’t want to do. At first I thought this was awesome-- she's my little free thinker. Now I think it's a curse.
This has caused quite a bit of difficulties, especially since Bug has started school. She has gotten in trouble more than anyone else in her class. She has gotten time outs, she’s missed recesses, and she has been threatened to get sent to the principal’s office.
We punish her at home for bad behavior, we give rewards for good behavior. Neither has helped the situation.
“Relax,” The Agent says. “She’s five.” So is everyone else in that classroom, and they’re not getting in trouble every day. The Agent and I have gotten into several arguments over this-- he says I'm getting too worked up over a little talking in class, and I say he needs to care more about what happens in that classroom.
She gets in trouble for talking in class, for shouting out answers instead of raising her hand, and for not following directions. “It could be worse,” my friends tell me. “She’s not hurting anyone or being mean.”
That’s true. But this year, kindergarten, is the most important year. This is the year that impressions are made, and this is the year that Bug decides whether she’s going to love school or hate it.
So far, she hates it. She's gets in trouble every day-- wouldn't you hate it?
I have sent emails to the teacher. I told her I was concerned about Bug's behavioral issues. I suggested giving Bug more school work to keep her busy. I told the teacher I wanted to meet with her to discuss strategies. She wrote back to me, saying the Bug is a smart girl, but she needed to learn self control. She did not acknowledge my request for a meeting. This is my fault. I didn’t push it, I was hoping things would get better on their own.
They haven’t. I don’t know what good meeting with the teacher would do, anyway. I think that the teacher has already formed her opinion. And the teachers follow the kids for two years, so Bug will have this same teacher for first grade. And then even once Bug gets to second grade, sure she’ll have a new teacher, but Bug will already be soured on school by then, and the teachers will have preconceived notions of how Bug behaves.
I don’t like. I don’t like it at all.
But I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like I’m totally failing at motherhood-- remind me and in the next week of so I’ll tell you about probably the worse thing I’ve ever said to the kids. Mother of the year award, right here.
Suggestions?
I feel I could have written the same post. My son is struggling with same exact thing. It makes me sad that he doesn't like kindergarten.
ReplyDeleteI went through the same thing that Bug is going through as a child. For me it was because my father was deployed, my mom was working full time and my sister was a new born. I had the same behavior when I felt I wasn't getting enough attention at home or school. Maybe some more one on one time with Bug? That helped a little and my behavior settled down when my Dad returned.
ReplyDeleteYaya has been struggeling too which I think you read about a few weeks ago. We spoke to her teachers and have worked it out with them. As a result, her behaviors are better. It never hurts to talk to her in person. It also never hurts to ask her what is going on when she gets in trouble. Find out what the cause might be. Ask her to give her rewards immediately when she's caught doing something right. Yaya's teachers do ink dots. For each card that gets filled up they get a Starburst to bring home. Reinforcing good behavior and ignoring the unwanted one rather than playing into it has seemed to help us. Yaya is like Bug and she is happy to have ANY attention she can get because she's used to having all the attention as an only child.
ReplyDeleteI know how frustrating that is for you. You can't do anything to control her behavior when you're not there. I sorta agree with your hubby...she is only five. My second son got into a lot of trouble in K and 1st. Not every day trouble, but A LOT compared to his nearly perfect brother. He had a firm teacher in 1st and I really think that helped. But I think he just grew out of it. He learned how to control his hands, which were always so busy. He was probably a little immature and I think he grew up. Keep doing what you're doing but stop stressing over it. Bug will settle down eventually, I bet. If the teacher feels the need to meet with you, she'll let you know. It's her job to mold these children. Allow her to do it. She may not have formed a bad opinion. Hopefully you're reading too much into it. Like Frankie says, relax! :)
ReplyDeleteI should probably post this comment anonymously to avoid an inevitable backlash, but I'm not gonna.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I think there is just as much a problem with the teacher here as there is with Bug. This is NOT to say that she has a bad teacher. I'm sure the teacher is good. But a teacher with a good grasp of classroom management should at least be able to come up with some other strategies to try to help Bug learn to control her own behavior. They won't necessarily work. Maybe Bug really is a special case. But the fact that this teacher isn't even willing to discuss meeting with you tells me this is a teacher that might have already given up on your child, which happened to me brother in elementary school, and to my nephew last year in Kinder. If this is the case, no matter what you instill in her at home, it will not be reinforced at school, and Bug will likely be labeled the problem kid all year, unless she manages to get to a point where she is the teacher's version of angelic every single day.
I'd suggest observing class one day, if that's possible, and then arranging a meeting with the teacher to discuss your observations. If she doesn't respond, talk to the principal.