We had been talking about The Agent getting a vasectomy for several months now. We knew it was the right thing to do, but neither of us really wanted to do it-- me because I don’t like the idea of never being pregnant again, and him because he didn’t want anyone taking a knife to his boys.
Finally, the day came. I went with him, because he was going to need a ride home after the surgery, and because it’s just fun to see my big strong Agent cry like a little girl. So, I dragged The Agent into the surgery center, with The Agent dragging his feet. The nurse asked for all his pre-op paperwork, and The Agent said, “Oops, I left my liability release at home. Guess you can’t do it.”
The nurse smiled. “I have a copy of it right here. No worries.” The nurse then handed me a card and said, “Here the doctor who will be performing the surgery today.”
The Agent and I sat down in the waiting room. “Let me see the card. Is it a guy or a girl?”
“Agent, it’s a guy. It’s going to be ok.”
The Agent sighed. “I feel a little better knowing it’s a guy. He’ll know what it’s like. A woman doesn’t understand. And what if she had just gotten into a fight with her husband? She’d be all rough, taking it out on me.”
“Well, it’s a guy, so you don’t need to worry.” I looked down at the card and chuckled. “Agent, look at the card. They spelled ‘cancellation’ wrong.”
The Agent looked at the card, then stood up. “We have to leave. He can’t even spell! You’re going to let this guy cut into me, and he can’t even spell????”
“Agent, sit down. It’s fine. I’m sure he didn’t print the cards himself.”
“But he ordered them! He proofread them! And he probably saw the mistake, and said ‘oh well, no big deal.’ What if he cuts off half my junk and says the same thing???”
I could only laugh, because by then, the nurse was calling him in.
Now, I didn’t hear him screaming from the waiting room…. But that’s because I went down to the pharmacy to get his prescription while I was waiting. The Agent told me afterwards that the doctor snipped one side, and The Agent said, “I’m done here. How effective would half a vasectomy be?” The doctor laughed and told him to keep still.
The whole thing was done in 30 minutes. The Agent hobbled out to the car while I helped him along. “What did they give me for the pain?” he asked.
“Tylenol 3.”
“What??? Is that all? No Morphine? Not even Vicodin? We need to get home right away. Don’t go over any speed bumps.”
Silly Agent.
That was three weeks ago. I can write about now, because The Agent was able to survive. It was touch and go there for awhile. The Agent called the doctor a couple time with complaints, and then even went in to see him, to which the doctor responded “You’re fine. Go home.”
But yes, The Agent is ok now. He was looking at me the other night and looked a little sad. “What’s the matter?” I asked.
“I was just thinking… you’ll never be pregnant again.”
Ugh. Too late to get sad about that now!
I was wondering as I read your story whether it should have been titled Snip, Snip or Sniff, Sniff?
ReplyDeleteDon't think you're done on the sympathy front yet though. My husband had a procedure done 4 years ago and I'm still hearing how the doctor gave him NOTHING for pain (even though he really did!) - silly boys!
well it's done. I so want Chris to do this when we are ready. it's not fair for the girl to have to worry about it forevah
ReplyDeleteStill trying to convince my husband to do this. As for more kids, you can have one of mine if you want.lol
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine! I just use an IUD. I guess it still requires maintenance, but isn't quite so... permanent. I've never been a decisive person, I doubt I could ever be fully behind something like this for us - I'm kind of in awe at your decision making skills! lol.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteAnd, um, they ARE reversible. My dad had one and then had it reversed and had 2 more kids. Just sayin'.