Part Three: what happens now

(Part One is here.)
(Part Two is here.)

The Agent’s boss was a little upset that we decided not to move, but I think he ultimately understood. I think he thought that things were so bad out here that every one would drop everything and move to the big woods of Illinois. It turns out that family ties are stronger, even in California.

So, it’s December, and The Agent has about three months left at his job. They have not given him his last day yet, but we expect it to be sometime in March. The company has stopped taking on new projects in preparation of the move, so The Agent’s hours were cut to four days a week. He’s actually happy about this, since it gives him more time to work on the house. Plus, once he made the decision to leave the company, he realized he wasn’t really all that happy there, anyway. They have not mentioned a severance package to us, and we really don't expect them to. Thanks for the last 20+ years. It's been fun.

The plan is that while The Agent is on unemployment, he can be rather picky about the next job he takes. Once his unemployment runs out, he can be less picky, and BK will likely be approaching kindergarten by then, so we wouldn't have a daycare bill. Meanwhile, The Agent plans to stay home with BK each day, and pick up and drop off Bug at school. He will keep the house clean, make dinner, and do whatever repairs need to be done around the house (hopefully not that much-- he'll have spent 6 moths remodeling it).

Now, I am a little concerned about The Agent's cleaning standards. And he keeps forgetting that he's the one who's going to be doing the cleaning soon! But even so, I don’t know that the Agent has it in him to be a stay at home Dad. Starched clothes, chocolate chip cookies, and homework done before dinner?

I just don’t see it happening.

Do any of my readers have a stay at home dad in their world? How is it working out?

Part Two: Should we Stay or Should we go?

(Part One is here.)

Ok. So, should we stay or should we go? Chicago or California?

We started making a list of the things we would need in order to live in the jungle they call Illinois. A new home in Chicago, plus we’d need to get bought out for the one we already had here. Winter wardrobe for all 4 of us. A new car for me with 4 wheel drive. An increase in salary for The Agent that would offset my lack of salary and benefits. Three trips back home for all four of us each year. The list went on and on.

And, it’s just a mom and pop company. What if we moved and the company went under the next year? How would we get back to California?

But, if we stayed in California, The Agent wouldn’t have a job. And his job is so specialized, it’s not like they have another weird-engineering-firm-that-builds-machines-for-factories at every street corner. California in general, and my city in particular, is really feeling the effects of the economic crisis. We thought it was very unlikely that he could find another job making the same salary around here.

But he didn’t need to. I have a good job, we have no debt, our trailer makes vacationing much cheaper, our family lives close by, we have very little extra expenses. We could live on just my salary, and The Agent could be a stay at home dad.

Except for our house. That Damn mortgage.

We moved into our house 8 years ago. It’s a 4 bedroom, 2 bath, in an ok neighborhood. We got it for a reasonable price back then. And we were so excited in the two years following our purchase to see the market spike up the way it did. Our home doubled in value almost over night. We felt very fortunate to have bought when we did.

Of course, no one expected the housing market to crash so bad. Our house would sell today for about $125K less than what we paid for it. We’re still underwater. We couldn’t sell. And the mortgage was too much for me to pay it on my own. Not if we wanted to eat more than Top Ramen for dinner at night.

And we didn’t want to live in this house anymore, anyway. This was our first house, we never expected to be here more than 5 years. The neighborhood had gone downhill, and we hadn’t make any improvements on the house itself because we always thought we would eventually move.

It was time to move to the house the kids were going to grow up in.

The problem was, the company was closing. They had already sold the property, but were leasing it back for a year. It was April, and we had a year left before The Agent would be out of a job. We began looking.

We looked in the country, which was The Agent’s dream. I wanted something closer to my parents, so they could watch the kids more often. The Agent wanted RV access to store our trailer. I was hoping for a pool.

I didn’t get my pool, but we ended up with a nice house, that’s remodeled exactly the way we want it, and that I can pay for with just my salary, and in a nicer neighborhood. I’m very pleased with our decision.

Now we have to deal with the aftermath

(to be continued.... again)

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

What's up, Big Guy? I know you're really busy this time of year, what with making all the presents and getting the reindeer ready and whatnot. And I know it was a little awkward when The Agent walked in on us last year, and I had to explain why I was sitting on your lap.  So I thought I would make it easy for you this year and just send you a list. Here we go!


The Sims 3
Am I the only one who’s still addicted to Sims? I played them on the computer when they first came out. Then I played them on my playstation 3. I haven’t played in a couple years, but I’m ready to get back into it. I love making those little people live! And I also have a bit of a sadistic side: Sometimes I wait until they fall asleep and then I build walls all around them so they can't get out. It really pisses them off.

Cricut Expression Machine

I’m really on the fence about this. It looks so cool! I can only imagine all the neat stuff I could make with this. On the other hand, Bug was less than a year old the last time I did any scrap booking. But I firmly believe that Christmas shouldn’t be only about what you need… you should be able to also get the occasional frivolous gift. Gimme.


Phineas and Ferb game for ds
When I’m not reading a book, I must play my Nintendo ds every night. It drives The Agent crazy. I don’t know why it bothers him so much. He’s the one who bought me the ds in the first place.

Sonic Throwback game for ds.

OK, I know this is making me sound like a video game nerd, but this is the last one! Did any of your elves used to play Sonic the Hedgehog on the sega back in the day? Was it only me? Well, your elves missed out! Sonic was badass. I intend on schooling The Agent on how to make the little hedgehog roll through worlds!

New Madison Coach Bag
This is a $600 bag. The Agent would never buy it for me. I could never spend that much money on myself. But your elves could make it, right? In champagne? I can't post a picture, but I want style # 18616. Please and thank you.

Wool Hooded Jacket from Calvin Klein

Hello, Lover. It has a hood. That is all that needs to be said.

My house done
Please Santa. Give The Agent a little bit of help. I'd love to be able to move someday.

Thanks, Santa. See you in a couple weeks. I'll wait up for you, Dear!

Part One: Why are we moving?

So, I’ve mentioned several times that we bought a new house that we’re remodeling. But I don’t think I ever said WHY we are moving.

The Agent has been with his company for 21 years. He is the head design engineer for a company that designs machines and builds them for factories. Very nerdy, but he’s into that whole scene.

The company has been around for, I don’t know, probably 40 years. The home office is in Chicago, and the owner decided to close up shop here in California and have the engineering department be based in Chicago, closer to home office. The Agent was offered a position there, with a promise of a large raise. Sweet.

This was several years ago, before BK was born. And at first, we were prepared to move. Neither one of us have ever lived outside of California before, but we weren’t worried. We could always fly home to visit. I was looking forward to a new adventure. I told The Agent that it didn’t matter where we lived, as long as we were together. We were told that the move could be as soon as 6 months, as long as 5 years. That was fine. We could wait.

But then, life continued. We were blessed with BK. I got promoted (twice). We paid off both our cars. Bug got into an awesome kindergarten.

And then we got to thinking, do we even WANT to move to Illinois? Dude, it snows there. I’ve never even driven in snow before. And I wouldn’t know a single person there. And what if I couldn’t get a transfer? I carry all the benefits for the family, plus I have a 401(k) and a pension… that’s a lot to give up.

Did we really need to move? Did we really WANT to move?

(to be continued)

December makes me Happy!

Here are a few things that are making me happy this week....

Christmas cards make me happy. My cards from Shutterfly arrived in the mail on Monday and I LOVE how they came out! My kids are so stinkin’ cute! Now, if I can just get my lazy butt down to the post office to buy stamps for them all!

Granite Countertops make me so happy! Check it:

Couldn’t you just faint from the pure awesomeness! The Agent’s really happy with it, too… so much so that he decided to put granite on the bench seat of the shower, too. This is something that I’m kind of iffy about, but I’m sure it’ll look fine. I just want it done!

Work makes me happy.  What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was so stressed, really worried about losing my job. Not anymore! My job is pretty dang stressful, but I'm not worried about getting fired... at least, not this week! But, regardless of the work, I get to spend the day with some of the coolest people ever. Oh! And I heard some awesome gossip today that, if true, makes me super happy! I would tell you, but then we'd be back at square one with the whole worry about getting fired thing!

Christmas lights make me happy. I’m alone in the living room as I write this. The kids are in bed, The Agent’s working on the new house, the tv is off and the whole house is quiet. Looking at the lights on the mantle and on tree makes me feel so relaxed and at peace.

Princess parties make me happy. Bug and I went to this super fancy birthday party for one of her friends over the weekend. All the girls were dressed up as princesses, a catered lunch was served, it was all very upper class. I told Bug not to get any ideas-- I’m a child of the 70’s: birthday parties belong in a back yard, with a slip-n-slide involved. But here is a rare picture of my princess with her new bff:

She's so dang cute.

Pinterest makes me happy. Homemade gift ideas make me happy. Actually doing them? Well, that’s an entirely different story.




 

Tired

So, I’m feuding with my mother, I guess.

A quick recap: My sister is 17, and is currently pregnant with her second child. My mother is raising my sister  (and my niece) as a single parent (we have different dads… her father is kind of a loser. As is Kari's boyfriend). The three of them-- almost 4 of them-- live in a one-bedroom apartment. Times are tough for them.

My mother’s birthday was in October, two days before the Agent’s birthday. We had her over for dinner to celebrate, and I told her I wasn’t getting her anything for her birthday, because we didn’t want her to spend any money on us at our birthdays. She thought I was bluffing, and bought The Agent a $50 gift card to Applebee’s. We didn’t get her anything. I further informed her I wasn’t getting her anything for Christmas, either. This isn’t because I don’t love her or don’t want to get her anything-- I’m only doing this because she can’t afford to get us anything in return, and she would rather go into debt than not get us a present. I told her I would get something for the kids, but I wouldn’t be getting anything for her. She agreed to this.

My birthday was in November. She didn’t call, didn’t send card, I didn’t hear from her at all. My sister wrote on my Facebook page, that’s it. And I was fine with that. Birthdays are not a big deal to me, my Dad and his family were at the house all day anyway, it was no big deal. I didn’t even realize she hadn't called until the next day.

She didn’t call on Thanksgiving, either. Again, it was not a big deal to me. I was so busy that I didn’t realize she didn’t call until the evening, and then it was too late to call her. My mother works at a convalescent hospital, and works every holiday and weekend. She wouldn’t have gotten home until 3 pm, and I was deep in the middle of my turkey dinner by then.

Ok, so my niece turned 2 on Friday. I had a conversation with my sister that day, wishing my niece a happy birthday, and to say I would be over on Sunday afternoon to visit and to give Anna her birthday present. My sister said that was fine.

But then Sunday morning came and I woke up to this message on my phone:

“Mom said she has things to do later 2day & I'm at drewz house so I won't be home at the time you wanted to come over today so we can't see you 2day k.”

(Drew is her boyfriend. I am glad she's using less random Z‘s in her writing)

At first, I was relieved. Whoo hoo, a free afternoon with nothing to do! But then I got to thinking: What could she possibly have to do at 3 pm on a Sunday that she couldn‘t do any other day? She couldn’t be paying a bill or going to a doctor’s appointment. Maybe she had shopping to do, but I could have gone with her, or she could have gone the next day.

Is she mad at me? Because I didn’t get her a birthday present? Because I didn’t call on Thanksgiving? Maybe she really did have something she needed to do that couldn't wait? But why didn’t she just call? Why have my sister message me?

The Agent believes that she is embarrassed about where she lives, and doesn’t want me to come over. Perhaps. But I’ve been over before. Nothing has changed. And honestly, I don't think anything ever will change? So, she's never going to let us come over again?

I was talking about this with my bff, and she said I for sure needed to call my mother, and get this all out in the open. Probably. But I don’t know that I even really care. I know, it’s a terrible sin, I should always respect my parents. And I’m not mad, but I just don’t care. I’m tired. I’m tired of the choices she has made. I’m tired that she doesn’t come to the kids’ functions because she’s so worried that my dad and his family will be there. I’m tired that I always feel guilty whenever I choose seeing my dad over my mom.

I'm just tired.

Happy

First of all, I’m happy that Miss Angie from My So Called Chaos has taken over hosting the Happy list, and it seems she posts her happy list late Monday night, so I don’t have to be the last person to link up on Tuesday! Pop over and say hi!

Christmas season makes me happy. The tree is up, the mantle is decorated, presents are wrapped, cards are ordered. You may remember that Shutterfly gave me 50 free cards in return for me writing a post about them. I ordered my cards yesterday and I am so excited to see how they came out!

Awesome deals make me happy. In addition to the 50 free cards, I also got 100 free prints and free shipping through Shutterfly. I ended up ordering 226 prints, 2 sets of return address labels, and the 50 cards (which are double sided-- we used the back side to advise everyone of our new address), and I only paid $35. This is a better deal than any of the Black Friday Sales. Of course, I’m slightly bummed, because if I had ordered them today, I would have gotten an even better deal. Alas, I should be happy with I’ve got, right?

I also had an opportunity to save another $10, but then I would have to show you the card I made, with our names and everything, and that goes against the whole anonymous thing. But I am happy that the folks at Shutterfly give us so many opportunities to save!

Christmas shopping makes me happy. And I am SO happy that I am almost done already! I only have to buy a gift card and then order a few things through Pampered Chef (I’m looking for a local consultant because I’m too cheap to pay for shipping).

Stuffing makes me happy. So, my stepmother makes the best stuffing ever. She knows I love it, so she always lets me take all the leftovers. The Agent doesn’t like stuffing, so Thanksgiving is the one time of year that I get to indulge. But then my stepmother’s mother put a RAW neck bone in the leftover stuffing. Gross! What the hell???? “Abuelita!” I yelled. “My stuffing!” The stuffing was ruined. But my stepmother got some serious brownie points. She made me a new batch of stuffing that night and brought it to me the next morning when we went Black Friday shopping. Good job, Alice! You made me happy!

New granite makes me happy! The granite guys came today and installed the countertops in the kitchen and laundry room. The backsplash will go up tomorrow. I’m uber excited about how beautiful it is! Pictures coming soon.

Peace, love, and happyness!

Black Friday madness!

Well, hello there! I trust everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving, a productive Black Friday, a successful Small Business Saturday, etc.

I had a really successful Black Friday. I wouldn’t say I got so many fantastic deals, but I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done. Plus I bought three pairs of boots for myself (Happy Birthday to me!) and a right hand ring that I love, even though The Agent has said it’s the ugliest ring he has ever seen. I believe his exact words were, “It looks like you have a silver wreath on your finger.” He doesn’t know:

Black Friday allowed me to also give you updates on a couple of past posts:

Remember this post? I shared with you my invention about being able to check and see if you left your garage door open without having to drive all the ay back home and check. Well, someone took my idea and totally ran with it. They sold the idea to Craftsman and it was for sale at Sears on Black Friday:

(I don't know why this is so pixilated. Apparently Sears doesn't like me taking pics from their website.)

I totally bought one. Hopefully The Agent is installing it the new house as I write this. If I’m ever wondering if I left the garage door open, I can just go online through my phone and check (or I could just use the app if I had an iphone or a Droid… but I don’t). Awesome.

Remember this post? The Agent, bless his heart, bought me a Dyson that was less than wonderful. I received varying forms of advice over this, my favorite being from Karen. She said:

 “Aw, that's a tough situation. It sounds like it means a lot to the Agent for you to keep the gift. In which case, it's probably a good idea to do that. I know it's $300 that could be used for other things, but sometimes it's more important to let someone else know we value them.”

I was totally prepared to keep the Dyson for this exact reason…. Until The Agent saw me using it on my kitchen floor. It’s then that it finally hit him: he bought me a $300 broom. So he told me to take it back and get the one I wanted. I did my research and decided on this one:

It’s heavier than the other ones (don’t care) and it doesn’t have the ball technology that the other Dyson’s have (also don’t care), but it has the highest sucking power out of all the Dysons (care very much). And, since I bought it on Black Friday, it ended up being only $50 more than the slim model The Agent originally bought me.

All in all, it was a good day! Were you as successful as I was?

Happy Days

My birthday makes me happy. Aside from my little mini break down about turning 38, and my tantrum about not getting exactly what I wanted, I had a nice weekend. My parents came over on Saturday and spoiled me rotten.

Cake pops make me happy. One of my gifts was a cake pop pan. Bug and I are so excited to try it out! I’m not going to have time this week, but I think we’ll be able to find time to make a batch this weekend. I love the idea of having just a little bite of cake, or brownie, or whatever.

Costco makes me happy. I love Costco! I could spend all day there. They have it all-- nice clothes, great toys, cool gadgets, and with all the sample carts, you don’t even have to stop for lunch. I took the kids there on Sunday and we had a great time shopping. I found a nice wool coat to add to my Christmas list, Bug found an art set, and BK found a set of wood puzzles! Now, if I can just get The Agent to find something that he wants…

Pumpkin pie makes me happy. Well, actually, I don’t like pumpkin pie, so that doesn‘t really make me all that happy. But the kindergarteners put on a Thanksgiving program and served homemade pumpkin pie to all the parents who were there. My kid is ultimately cute. And I’m happy that my job is flexible enough that I can take a morning off to her sing about a turkey.

A fire in the fireplace makes me happy. It finally got cold enough for a fire this weekend. Love it! So romantic! ;)

My brilliant child makes me happy. Bug had her first trimester report card. She excels at every subject except PE. Her goal to work on for the next trimester is to learn how to use the monkey bars. She has her mama’s athletic ability.

Thankful days make me happy:

Everyone in the family contributed to this. To be clear, BK is the one who is thankful for balls. Bug wrote it down on his behalf.

Dyson Depression

The Agent did not get me exactly what I wanted for my birthday, but that’s my fault. I asked for either a Dyson for the carpet upstairs, a handheld vac for the staircase, or a steam mop for the wood floors downstairs (this would all be for the new house). It is my fault that I was not more specific; I should have told him exactly what model of Dyson I wanted. He got me this:

It’s a cordless Dyson. It charges at a wall outlet so you don’t have to worry about dragging a cord around. It’s lightweight and it says it works on all surfaces. The long pole thing comes off so you can use it as a handheld, or you can use it as a traditional upright vacuum. The Agent’s thinking was that it’s so lightweight that I could use it on the stairs, as well as use it as the upstairs carpet vacuum.

I know it sounds ungrateful, but this is not what I wanted. It’s a light weight vac, so it doesn’t have the power to pick up all the stuff on the carpets. I’m not the best housekeeper, sometimes I only vacuum every other week, I need a strong vacuum. It is exactly the type of thing I wanted for the stairs, but I just wanted a cheap little handheld vacuum, I didn’t need a $300 Dyson just for the stairs.

I told The Agent that I was thinking of returning it and I know he was disappointed, so I took it out of the box and put it together. I tried it on the carpet, and very little got picked up. It says it works on all floor types, but it really doesn’t have the strength to get two weeks of hair and stuff out of deep shag carpet. But The Agent told me to keep it. His argument was that I had just vacuumed the day before, so there wasn’t anything to pick up. We’re not going to wear shoes upstairs in the new house or allow food, so maybe it won’t be so bad. The roller bar is about half the size of the vacuum we currently have, so I think it will take a lot longer to vacuum with this new one, but I agreed to keep it once The Agent said that I could get the Dyson I wanted once we moved if this one didn’t work out.

The good news is, this light weight thing is awesome on the tile floors. And I love that I don’t have to worry about a cord. So I think I’m going to keep it downstairs and use it on the wood floors instead of a broom. I used it on my kitchen and it took me two minutes, when normally it takes me at least 10 with a broom, and I always find stuff I miss afterwards.

But even this presents a problem. My girlfriend recently got a Roomba from a flea market for a great price. She said it works great, and I asked her to find me one for my birthday. I would much rather have a little round robot cleaning my wood floors while I’m at work than me having to do them when I get home. I will see her next week… if she gets me a Roomba-- that I asked her to get from a flea market-- I will not be able to return it.

Sigh. I feel bad. I should return the Dyson. I feel like The Agent wasted $300. But The Agent told me to keep it…. What should I do?

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

So, I had a birthday. I am 38 now.

I’ve never been one to lie about my age. I’ve never said, “I’m 29    (.… plus 9.)” At the same time, I’ve never felt my age. It was almost like I was bragging: “Oh, you thought I was 25? I’m actually 34.” Stuff like that.

But this year, I’m feeling my age. It’s been a rough year on my self esteem. I’ve gained 23 pounds in the last year. Everything in my closet looks frumpalicious. Lately when I look in the mirror, I see a 38-year-old-who’s-trying-to-look-like-a-29-year-old. I don’t want to look like a 38-year-old-who’s-trying-to-look-like-a-29-year-old. I want to look hot.

So, in the last year, I started coloring my hair, I’ve worked on my fashion sense, I’ve started adding more make up to my face in the mornings. Then, on my birthday, I locked the door, stripped off my clothes, and took a pretty hard assessment of myself.

I saw stretch marks. Flabs. Gravity.

Sigh. I am sure these things were present on my body prior to Saturday, but I didn’t really see them. I see them now.

But God Bless The Agent. He was staring at me all day long. “What are you looking at?” I asked self consciously.

“The most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” The Agent answered right away.

He’s a keeper.

Currently...

Stole this from Karen... Enjoy!


Current Book
Crossed by Ally Condie. It’s the second in a series. The first book was called Matched, and it was excellent.

Current Albums
Just bought the Taylor Swift Christmas CD, which promptly caused the player in my car to break. Awesome.

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure
Young adult fiction. Vampires and Angels are so last season. Now it’s all about the dystopian societies!

Current Drink
Coffee with peppermint mocha creamer

Current Favorite Blog
If you’re on that list over there on the right, it means I heart you. And if you’re not on there but you think you’re awesome, it’s probably because I don’t know about you. Make yourself known.

Current Songs
Honey Bee by Blake Shelton “You be my sugar baby, I’ll be your sweet iced tea. You be my honeysuckle, I’ll be your honey bee.” It’s cheesy, but it’s catchy.

Current Wish-List
A Dyson
A Shark steam mop
A Roomba
A Cruise
Movers to come and pack for me
A right hand ring

Current Needs
To come up with entertaining blogs entries so my new readers don’t get bored and peace out
To lose the 23 pounds I’ve gained this year.
To lose the last 15 pounds I needed to lose after that

Current Triumph
My job. I think I’m getting it. It’s coming together. I don’t feel need to drink myself into a crying stupor each night anymore.

Current Favorite Film
I thought Limitless with Bradley Cooper was very good. And very nice to look at, I might add!

(I totally wrote ass instead of add at first. Yes, I might have been thinking about Bradley Cooper’s butt. Don’t judge me.) 

Current TV Show
The Walking Dead
Modern Family
The Big Bang Theory

Current Celebrity Crush
This guy:

His name is Norman Reedus and I love him. If you don’t know him, please turn on the tv and watch The Walking Dead on AMC. And say a little prayer that he doesn’t turn into a bad guy, like I fear he might.

Current Indulgence
More of a future indulgence than a current one: I WILL be finding cute boots on Friday. Totally my mission.

Current Outfit
I’ve worn a sweater and skirt two days in a row. My boss was interviewing someone for a job today, and while he was showing him around, my boss saw me and said, “Wow Lovely, you look really professional today.” As opposed to every other day, when I just roll out of bed and drag myself to work.

Current Banes of My Existence
Potty training. I will persevere, you dreaded potty chair!

Current Excitement
My birthday is on Saturday! Happy birthday to me!

Current Mood
I’m a little chilly, is that a mood? Otherwise, I’m excited for GNO tomorrow and then family dinner over the weekend!

Current Picture
The bathroom that The Agent is redesigning for us:

I don't know why we're both in the shower at the same time.

Or why we have clothes on.

The Prom That Wasn't

I have a confession.

I have never been to prom.

It wasn’t even a question my freshman and sophomore years. I wasn’t dating anyone, none of my friends were going, it was the furthest thing on my mind.

I thought I had a chance of going my Junior year. I was kind of messing around with a guy who I had a few classes with, nothing serious. He ended up asking his ex-girlfriend. I wasn’t seeing anyone else, so I had no other options. The sad part was, I wrote the poem that was printed on the favors, so everyone was looking for me at prom to congratulate me on the poem.

I had a date to prom my senior year. My dress was red and fitted and moderately slutty. This was 1992, so I had my shoes colored to match the dress, as was the cool thing to do back then (note- it is no longer cool to do this. Go buy a pair of silver or gold strappy sandals). I picked up my boyfriend’s boutonniere, made the appointment to get my hair done, I was good to go.

Until.

My boyfriend was in college, and was also in the National Guard. Three days before prom, he was sent to Los Angeles to help restore peace during the Rodney King riots.

All my friends talked about the wonderful time they had had when we were back in school on Monday.

I had spent the weekend with my grandmother.

I am super cool.

You decide: Hopeless or Full of Hope?

The last time I was at my dentist’s office, his front desk receptionist told me this story.

Many years ago, she had a husband who died at the young age of 26, leaving her with four young children. Her husband had a genetic heart defect, and all four children had inherited the same defect. The cardiologist had told the widowed mother that none of her children would live to see 30.

Now, the point of her story was a happy one, as the youngest child had just turned 30, thus proving the doctor wrong on all four counts. But I couldn’t get past what I felt was huge flaw in the story.

If I knew that The Agent had some disease that would likely end with death at an early age, I'm sure that I still would have married him. I think I definitely still would have tried to get pregnant. The adoption probably wouldn’t have been an option, since we had to pass a health screening before getting qualified. So, it would have been me and The Agent and Bug, and I would have been happy with that, for whatever time we had together.

But FOUR children? With someone you knew wouldn’t get to see them grow up? I don’t think I could have done that.

Of the four children, two of them don’t have any memories of their father at all, and the other two only have broken fragments, tarnished by the illness that eventually killed him. They never got to know their father, and their early memories of their mother are of a woman filled with grief and worry for the future. I think that’s really sad.

And I think it’s a little selfish.

It’s one thing to live life to the fullest because you never know what’s going to happen. I’m all for that. But to have not one, not two, but four children, and to KNOW you likely won't live to see them grow up… I don’t know. That’s like being 80 years old and deciding to have a baby.

I know, it’s none of my business. Just like it’s none of my business that the Duggars are pregnant with their 20th child, or the 94-year-old from India who just fathered a child.  To each their own, it doesn’t affect me at all, blah blah blah. And one could make the argument that anyone who lives in fear of what might happen someday misses out on a lot. I agree with that, too. I’m just writing out my thoughts.

What do you think? Good for that couple for having four children while they had the time together? Or shame on them for adding four children to an already hopeless situation?

If you're happy and you know it...

Left over Halloween candy makes me happy. Bug gets one piece a day. BK doesn’t even get that. We throw it all out on November 15th. So there’s a lot of extra candy for The Agent and I to eat. Some people think this means I deprive the children. I say it makes me awesome-- I’m saving them years of dentist bills and Weight Watchers Meetings.

Online shopping makes me happy. I have been shopping up a storm, scouring leaked Black Friday ads, trying to plan my attack. I do the majority of my shopping on Black Friday, so it’s a big day for me. Shopping and getting good deals make me happy!

I am so SO happy that the house is coming along. The Agent finished laying the tile in the bathroom floors, and now he’s laying tile in the shower. When that’s done, he’ll start installing the hardwood downstairs, and get the contractor to install the granite. The end is in sight! So excited!

I’m happy that it finally got cold enough to turn on the heater this week! I have gained 23 pounds in the last year-- which does NOT make me happy-- and I’m happy I can start wearing sweaters to cover up the muffin top!

I feel like my Happy list is lacking this week.... It's not that I'm not happy, I just need sleep! Good night!

People are Rude

BK has very striking features. His hair is very thin, and so blond that it’s almost white. His eyes are a beautiful bright blue. He’s a very beautiful child, if slightly children of the corn-ish. The rest of us have dark thick hair. My eyes are green, Bug’s and The Agent’s are brown. BK clearly does not look like the rest of us.

Still, I would not question his paternity if I was stranger and I saw the four of us together. We all have fair skin. BK picks up on so many of The Agent mannerisms that he's starting to look a lot like his Daddy. I would just think, “Dang, that kid is cute,” and move on.

But people are rude.

We often have complete strangers approach us in the grocery store, saying things like, “Where’d he get the blond hair from?” We don’t know these people and we will never see them again, so we often say things like “The milkman is blond,” or The Agent will say to me, “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that…” and we laugh and ignore the stranger. We like messing with people.

We had a class meeting at the school a couple weeks ago, and this was the first time Bug’s teacher really had a chance to observe BK for any length of time. She brought up BK’s looks four different times:

“How did BK get the blond hair? Is there blond hair further back in you family tree?”
“Did Bug have blond hair when she was a baby?”
“And his eyes are so blue! How did that happen?”
“Did you or your husband ever have blond hair?”

After trying to change the subject the first three times, The Agent finally said that his own hair was lighter when he was a child (which is the truth). It’s not a secret that BK is adopted, but it’s really nobody’s business, and I don’t believe in singling him out, especially in a room full of other parents who we don't know. He’s not our adoptive son, he’s just our son.

But the adoption aside, I think it was so rude to even ask. What if I had had a scandalous affair and BK was the result?  Was she hoping that The Agent would say, “Well, it turns out that Lovely was a dirty whore and got knocked up when she was messing around with our neighbor’s gardener.” Whatever the reason, it wasn’t any of her business, and she should have gotten a clue the first three times she mentioned it.

The Agent was  more upset than I was. “From now on, I’m going to say my last girlfriend was blond, and now I’m not sure who the real mother is.” Great. I’m one of three people who gets The Agent. Everyone else will wonder what he's talking about.

Looking back, I wonder if maybe I didn’t handle the situation as well as I could have. What would you have done?