Still, I would not question his paternity if I was stranger and I saw the four of us together. We all have fair skin. BK picks up on so many of The Agent mannerisms that he's starting to look a lot like his Daddy. I would just think, “Dang, that kid is cute,” and move on.
But people are rude.
We often have complete strangers approach us in the grocery store, saying things like, “Where’d he get the blond hair from?” We don’t know these people and we will never see them again, so we often say things like “The milkman is blond,” or The Agent will say to me, “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that…” and we laugh and ignore the stranger. We like messing with people.
We had a class meeting at the school a couple weeks ago, and this was the first time Bug’s teacher really had a chance to observe BK for any length of time. She brought up BK’s looks four different times:
“How did BK get the blond hair? Is there blond hair further back in you family tree?”
“Did Bug have blond hair when she was a baby?”
“And his eyes are so blue! How did that happen?”
“Did you or your husband ever have blond hair?”
After trying to change the subject the first three times, The Agent finally said that his own hair was lighter when he was a child (which is the truth). It’s not a secret that BK is adopted, but it’s really nobody’s business, and I don’t believe in singling him out, especially in a room full of other parents who we don't know. He’s not our adoptive son, he’s just our son.
But the adoption aside, I think it was so rude to even ask. What if I had had a scandalous affair and BK was the result? Was she hoping that The Agent would say, “Well, it turns out that Lovely was a dirty whore and got knocked up when she was messing around with our neighbor’s gardener.” Whatever the reason, it wasn’t any of her business, and she should have gotten a clue the first three times she mentioned it.
The Agent was more upset than I was. “From now on, I’m going to say my last girlfriend was blond, and now I’m not sure who the real mother is.” Great. I’m one of three people who gets The Agent. Everyone else will wonder what he's talking about.
Looking back, I wonder if maybe I didn’t handle the situation as well as I could have. What would you have done?
My husband and I are both dark haired and green eyed, but both of our boys are blond and blue eyed. I feel your pain! I get asked the same types of questions daily. It gets old! My response is always similar to yours about the milk man! Sorry you have to deal with this, people should certain KMS(keep mouth shut).
ReplyDeleteAlthough I think families created by adoption get more intrusive questions than families created by DNA, I think certain people just have no manners regardless. My youngest sister has red hair. My middle sister and I do not. My parents used to get all sorts of questions that basically implied my sister was illegitimate.
ReplyDeleteReally, you don't owe anyone an explanation. I would just say, "Yeah, DNA is a funny thing" and keep walking.
I really don't know why people are so rude, but wow.
ReplyDeleteIt honestly never even occurs to me when children have different eye/hair color than their parents. I can't believe people pay that much attention AND ask about it.
Honestly! I don't understand where people learn their manners. Who on earth decided it was ok to ask such personal questions? Grrrrr!
ReplyDeleteYou all did exactly what you should have. You made a choice and you stuck with it. Scott and I took a Wise Up class that teaches adoptive families how to handle questions just like this.
WE DO NOT HAVE TO ANSWER PEOPLE'S INSENSITIVE QUESTIONS NOR WILL BK if he chooses not to share his story. It's his life and he has the right to choose who he shares his story with.
Good job mom! If you're interested in reading or learning more check out the Wise-Up website.
You're right...people are rude.
ReplyDeleteI would love to be around to hear you guys give one of those hilarious answers! I personally prefer the dirty whore explanation.