How I'm becoming happier by not caring

I've been trying to write a post about my mother for the last two days, but that's just not happening. So sorry, guess I won't be linking up with Let's Talk this month.

I've been thinking about who I am lately. I want to be the girl who doesn't care what anyone thinks. I'm not that girl, not by a long shot. Always in the back of my head, I'm thinking two thoughts: Please don't be mad at me. Please love me.

But I am making progress. I am learning what makes me happy, and what I don't have time to dwell on. I think I realized this when I tried to start writing about my mother. And I didn't really have anything to say.

I haven't spoken to her since Christmas. She didn't even send a card for Bug's birthday.  And I don't care, because it took trying to write a blog post about her to even realize that she wasn't calling me, and I wasn't calling her.

I don't wish her ill, so I hope she's ok. I just don't have time to worry about it. I wish we had a better relationship, but we don't.

I'm also starting to not care what anyone thinks about my parenting skills (or lack thereof). I'm a yeller. I get it. I have tried not to yell, I have told the children that I don't want to yell, but there are sometimes moments when I feel like they are not hearing me unless I raise my voice. I wish they listened the first time, but that doesn't always happen.  So you might hear me yell. Don't like it? Maybe you should take them for the afternoon and tell me what the secret is. Have fun.

I will say that I am a much better parent when I'm only with one of them. A neighbor caught me walking through Target as I was in a deep conversation with BK about the best Pokemon cards. I felt like mom of the year. It's the little things.

And I'm finally starting to not care about what people think of me at work. This is a hard one, because I have to see these people every day. And it's also hard, because some of those people think they're still in high school, and they'll friend or defriend you at the drop of a hat. But then I starting thinking, how awkward is it for these same people to decide that they need something from me after all and try to friend me again? I think it's kind of funny when I get a friend request, and I know we were friends last month, because I saw the photos of your parakeet that you insist on posting every 20 minutes (FYI-- we're at work. You sit 20 feet away from me. You are not with the damn bird right now, so stop posting pictures, acting like you're feeding him a treat right now).

And by the way, I might have friended you again, but I'm still in charge of the vacation calendar and you still can't have Christmas off, so I guess I'll be unfriended again next week.

So, those are the three things that I'm trying not to care about, at least not this week. What do you not care about?