Part Three: what happens now

(Part One is here.)
(Part Two is here.)

The Agent’s boss was a little upset that we decided not to move, but I think he ultimately understood. I think he thought that things were so bad out here that every one would drop everything and move to the big woods of Illinois. It turns out that family ties are stronger, even in California.

So, it’s December, and The Agent has about three months left at his job. They have not given him his last day yet, but we expect it to be sometime in March. The company has stopped taking on new projects in preparation of the move, so The Agent’s hours were cut to four days a week. He’s actually happy about this, since it gives him more time to work on the house. Plus, once he made the decision to leave the company, he realized he wasn’t really all that happy there, anyway. They have not mentioned a severance package to us, and we really don't expect them to. Thanks for the last 20+ years. It's been fun.

The plan is that while The Agent is on unemployment, he can be rather picky about the next job he takes. Once his unemployment runs out, he can be less picky, and BK will likely be approaching kindergarten by then, so we wouldn't have a daycare bill. Meanwhile, The Agent plans to stay home with BK each day, and pick up and drop off Bug at school. He will keep the house clean, make dinner, and do whatever repairs need to be done around the house (hopefully not that much-- he'll have spent 6 moths remodeling it).

Now, I am a little concerned about The Agent's cleaning standards. And he keeps forgetting that he's the one who's going to be doing the cleaning soon! But even so, I don’t know that the Agent has it in him to be a stay at home Dad. Starched clothes, chocolate chip cookies, and homework done before dinner?

I just don’t see it happening.

Do any of my readers have a stay at home dad in their world? How is it working out?

Part Two: Should we Stay or Should we go?

(Part One is here.)

Ok. So, should we stay or should we go? Chicago or California?

We started making a list of the things we would need in order to live in the jungle they call Illinois. A new home in Chicago, plus we’d need to get bought out for the one we already had here. Winter wardrobe for all 4 of us. A new car for me with 4 wheel drive. An increase in salary for The Agent that would offset my lack of salary and benefits. Three trips back home for all four of us each year. The list went on and on.

And, it’s just a mom and pop company. What if we moved and the company went under the next year? How would we get back to California?

But, if we stayed in California, The Agent wouldn’t have a job. And his job is so specialized, it’s not like they have another weird-engineering-firm-that-builds-machines-for-factories at every street corner. California in general, and my city in particular, is really feeling the effects of the economic crisis. We thought it was very unlikely that he could find another job making the same salary around here.

But he didn’t need to. I have a good job, we have no debt, our trailer makes vacationing much cheaper, our family lives close by, we have very little extra expenses. We could live on just my salary, and The Agent could be a stay at home dad.

Except for our house. That Damn mortgage.

We moved into our house 8 years ago. It’s a 4 bedroom, 2 bath, in an ok neighborhood. We got it for a reasonable price back then. And we were so excited in the two years following our purchase to see the market spike up the way it did. Our home doubled in value almost over night. We felt very fortunate to have bought when we did.

Of course, no one expected the housing market to crash so bad. Our house would sell today for about $125K less than what we paid for it. We’re still underwater. We couldn’t sell. And the mortgage was too much for me to pay it on my own. Not if we wanted to eat more than Top Ramen for dinner at night.

And we didn’t want to live in this house anymore, anyway. This was our first house, we never expected to be here more than 5 years. The neighborhood had gone downhill, and we hadn’t make any improvements on the house itself because we always thought we would eventually move.

It was time to move to the house the kids were going to grow up in.

The problem was, the company was closing. They had already sold the property, but were leasing it back for a year. It was April, and we had a year left before The Agent would be out of a job. We began looking.

We looked in the country, which was The Agent’s dream. I wanted something closer to my parents, so they could watch the kids more often. The Agent wanted RV access to store our trailer. I was hoping for a pool.

I didn’t get my pool, but we ended up with a nice house, that’s remodeled exactly the way we want it, and that I can pay for with just my salary, and in a nicer neighborhood. I’m very pleased with our decision.

Now we have to deal with the aftermath

(to be continued.... again)

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

What's up, Big Guy? I know you're really busy this time of year, what with making all the presents and getting the reindeer ready and whatnot. And I know it was a little awkward when The Agent walked in on us last year, and I had to explain why I was sitting on your lap.  So I thought I would make it easy for you this year and just send you a list. Here we go!


The Sims 3
Am I the only one who’s still addicted to Sims? I played them on the computer when they first came out. Then I played them on my playstation 3. I haven’t played in a couple years, but I’m ready to get back into it. I love making those little people live! And I also have a bit of a sadistic side: Sometimes I wait until they fall asleep and then I build walls all around them so they can't get out. It really pisses them off.

Cricut Expression Machine

I’m really on the fence about this. It looks so cool! I can only imagine all the neat stuff I could make with this. On the other hand, Bug was less than a year old the last time I did any scrap booking. But I firmly believe that Christmas shouldn’t be only about what you need… you should be able to also get the occasional frivolous gift. Gimme.


Phineas and Ferb game for ds
When I’m not reading a book, I must play my Nintendo ds every night. It drives The Agent crazy. I don’t know why it bothers him so much. He’s the one who bought me the ds in the first place.

Sonic Throwback game for ds.

OK, I know this is making me sound like a video game nerd, but this is the last one! Did any of your elves used to play Sonic the Hedgehog on the sega back in the day? Was it only me? Well, your elves missed out! Sonic was badass. I intend on schooling The Agent on how to make the little hedgehog roll through worlds!

New Madison Coach Bag
This is a $600 bag. The Agent would never buy it for me. I could never spend that much money on myself. But your elves could make it, right? In champagne? I can't post a picture, but I want style # 18616. Please and thank you.

Wool Hooded Jacket from Calvin Klein

Hello, Lover. It has a hood. That is all that needs to be said.

My house done
Please Santa. Give The Agent a little bit of help. I'd love to be able to move someday.

Thanks, Santa. See you in a couple weeks. I'll wait up for you, Dear!

Part One: Why are we moving?

So, I’ve mentioned several times that we bought a new house that we’re remodeling. But I don’t think I ever said WHY we are moving.

The Agent has been with his company for 21 years. He is the head design engineer for a company that designs machines and builds them for factories. Very nerdy, but he’s into that whole scene.

The company has been around for, I don’t know, probably 40 years. The home office is in Chicago, and the owner decided to close up shop here in California and have the engineering department be based in Chicago, closer to home office. The Agent was offered a position there, with a promise of a large raise. Sweet.

This was several years ago, before BK was born. And at first, we were prepared to move. Neither one of us have ever lived outside of California before, but we weren’t worried. We could always fly home to visit. I was looking forward to a new adventure. I told The Agent that it didn’t matter where we lived, as long as we were together. We were told that the move could be as soon as 6 months, as long as 5 years. That was fine. We could wait.

But then, life continued. We were blessed with BK. I got promoted (twice). We paid off both our cars. Bug got into an awesome kindergarten.

And then we got to thinking, do we even WANT to move to Illinois? Dude, it snows there. I’ve never even driven in snow before. And I wouldn’t know a single person there. And what if I couldn’t get a transfer? I carry all the benefits for the family, plus I have a 401(k) and a pension… that’s a lot to give up.

Did we really need to move? Did we really WANT to move?

(to be continued)

December makes me Happy!

Here are a few things that are making me happy this week....

Christmas cards make me happy. My cards from Shutterfly arrived in the mail on Monday and I LOVE how they came out! My kids are so stinkin’ cute! Now, if I can just get my lazy butt down to the post office to buy stamps for them all!

Granite Countertops make me so happy! Check it:

Couldn’t you just faint from the pure awesomeness! The Agent’s really happy with it, too… so much so that he decided to put granite on the bench seat of the shower, too. This is something that I’m kind of iffy about, but I’m sure it’ll look fine. I just want it done!

Work makes me happy.  What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was so stressed, really worried about losing my job. Not anymore! My job is pretty dang stressful, but I'm not worried about getting fired... at least, not this week! But, regardless of the work, I get to spend the day with some of the coolest people ever. Oh! And I heard some awesome gossip today that, if true, makes me super happy! I would tell you, but then we'd be back at square one with the whole worry about getting fired thing!

Christmas lights make me happy. I’m alone in the living room as I write this. The kids are in bed, The Agent’s working on the new house, the tv is off and the whole house is quiet. Looking at the lights on the mantle and on tree makes me feel so relaxed and at peace.

Princess parties make me happy. Bug and I went to this super fancy birthday party for one of her friends over the weekend. All the girls were dressed up as princesses, a catered lunch was served, it was all very upper class. I told Bug not to get any ideas-- I’m a child of the 70’s: birthday parties belong in a back yard, with a slip-n-slide involved. But here is a rare picture of my princess with her new bff:

She's so dang cute.

Pinterest makes me happy. Homemade gift ideas make me happy. Actually doing them? Well, that’s an entirely different story.




 

Tired

So, I’m feuding with my mother, I guess.

A quick recap: My sister is 17, and is currently pregnant with her second child. My mother is raising my sister  (and my niece) as a single parent (we have different dads… her father is kind of a loser. As is Kari's boyfriend). The three of them-- almost 4 of them-- live in a one-bedroom apartment. Times are tough for them.

My mother’s birthday was in October, two days before the Agent’s birthday. We had her over for dinner to celebrate, and I told her I wasn’t getting her anything for her birthday, because we didn’t want her to spend any money on us at our birthdays. She thought I was bluffing, and bought The Agent a $50 gift card to Applebee’s. We didn’t get her anything. I further informed her I wasn’t getting her anything for Christmas, either. This isn’t because I don’t love her or don’t want to get her anything-- I’m only doing this because she can’t afford to get us anything in return, and she would rather go into debt than not get us a present. I told her I would get something for the kids, but I wouldn’t be getting anything for her. She agreed to this.

My birthday was in November. She didn’t call, didn’t send card, I didn’t hear from her at all. My sister wrote on my Facebook page, that’s it. And I was fine with that. Birthdays are not a big deal to me, my Dad and his family were at the house all day anyway, it was no big deal. I didn’t even realize she hadn't called until the next day.

She didn’t call on Thanksgiving, either. Again, it was not a big deal to me. I was so busy that I didn’t realize she didn’t call until the evening, and then it was too late to call her. My mother works at a convalescent hospital, and works every holiday and weekend. She wouldn’t have gotten home until 3 pm, and I was deep in the middle of my turkey dinner by then.

Ok, so my niece turned 2 on Friday. I had a conversation with my sister that day, wishing my niece a happy birthday, and to say I would be over on Sunday afternoon to visit and to give Anna her birthday present. My sister said that was fine.

But then Sunday morning came and I woke up to this message on my phone:

“Mom said she has things to do later 2day & I'm at drewz house so I won't be home at the time you wanted to come over today so we can't see you 2day k.”

(Drew is her boyfriend. I am glad she's using less random Z‘s in her writing)

At first, I was relieved. Whoo hoo, a free afternoon with nothing to do! But then I got to thinking: What could she possibly have to do at 3 pm on a Sunday that she couldn‘t do any other day? She couldn’t be paying a bill or going to a doctor’s appointment. Maybe she had shopping to do, but I could have gone with her, or she could have gone the next day.

Is she mad at me? Because I didn’t get her a birthday present? Because I didn’t call on Thanksgiving? Maybe she really did have something she needed to do that couldn't wait? But why didn’t she just call? Why have my sister message me?

The Agent believes that she is embarrassed about where she lives, and doesn’t want me to come over. Perhaps. But I’ve been over before. Nothing has changed. And honestly, I don't think anything ever will change? So, she's never going to let us come over again?

I was talking about this with my bff, and she said I for sure needed to call my mother, and get this all out in the open. Probably. But I don’t know that I even really care. I know, it’s a terrible sin, I should always respect my parents. And I’m not mad, but I just don’t care. I’m tired. I’m tired of the choices she has made. I’m tired that she doesn’t come to the kids’ functions because she’s so worried that my dad and his family will be there. I’m tired that I always feel guilty whenever I choose seeing my dad over my mom.

I'm just tired.