Hazppy Bizrthdazy... ozr Nozt

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We had my mother and sister over for dinner tonight. I made a couple of jabs about how Kari's 3-and-a-half months pregnant belly looked more like she was 5 months along. We talked about how she thinks it’s a boy since she feels completely different from her last pregnancy, and we talked about names (I really like the name Elias… or Aliyus if you’re going for a non traditional spelling). The Agent and I made several thinly disguised jokes about how my sister is a red hot mess and about how my mother is doing a wonderful job at raising her teenage daughter.

I kept my temper, but I really think that’s part of the problem. If you ask me, people haven’t gotten mad enough at her.

But it was ok. She's with her boyfriend and they're talking about moving in together. We’ll see if the Baby Daddy will be there in April.

But this post is more about my mother than Kari. The reason they came over was because my mother’s birthday is on Monday. The Agent’s birthday happens to be on Wednesday.

We are doing financially ok. My mother is not. Here’s the text conversation that went on between me and Kari on Thursday morning:

Kari: Hey what doesz Agent want for hisz birthday?

Me: a sock in the gut. :)

Kari: Okaie beszidez that :P

Me: Honestly, he would be mad if you spent any money on him. Why don’t you just get him a card and a couple lottery tickets? Maybe he’ll win big!

Kari: Mom doesn’t have cash szo szhez not guna do that ahha

Me: She doesn’t have cash??? So why the f are you even asking? Don’t get him anything!

Kari: She wantsz to charge eht at jpc idk szhez crazy dnt tell her I told you tho.

Me: if she wants to charge stuff at jcp, tell her I want a table for my new dining room!

Kari: Ahha nothing big lmao we don’t even have a dining room table.

(20 minutes later)

Kari: What do you like better applebees red lobszter or chilis?

Me: Do not allow her to buy a gift card. Tell her I’m not getting her anything for her bday, so she doesn’t need to get Agent anything.

Kari: Szhez not falling for eht szhe never lisztenz to me!

Me: I promise, the only thing I’ve bought so far is a card. I was going out today to get something, but I won’t now!

Kari: Too late szhe already hasz her mind szet on eht szhez gettn eht -_-

Me: Whatever. I’m still not getting her anything.

Kari: Ahha that will teach her lmao

Seriously, what’s the deal with all the Z’s?

So that night, I told The Agent about our conversation. “I’m not getting her anything, even though it sounds like she’s getting you a gift card. Is that wrong?”

“No, it’s not wrong,” The Agent replied. “If we stop buying her stuff, she’ll stop wasting her money on stuff for us.”

So, that’s what I did. We gave her a card, and Bug drew her a picture. No gift. It’s not like she asked for anything that big anyway: a spoon rest, a waste basket, normal stuff you buy on your weekly trip to Wal-Mart.

She gave The Agent a $50 gift card to Applebees. That she paid for with a credit card. She could have used that money for groceries.

Of course, we tried to give it back. “Here Mom, keep it as your birthday present.”

She started crying. “It’s a gift for you too,” she said through her tears. “I want you to both enjoy yourself.”

Ugh. “Well, how about we make it a Christmas present as well? I’ll buy for the kids, but you don’t get anything for us, and we won’t get anything for you.”

Deal.

And the good news is, I was able to cut a name off my Christmas list.