Packing

I'm sitting on my couch, with an open suitcase in front of me and laundry piled all around me. I have to pack for stupid work trip. It's giving me major anxiety.

This is going to be a conference filled with rich, beautiful people. They can afford designer wardrobes and personal trainers.

I am neither rich nor beautiful. My wardrobe is straight from Target. My personal trainer is You Tube.

And the clothes I do have are ill fitting. My big clothes are now too big but my skinny clothes are still too tight. And it's in the desert,  so it's going to be warm. It's a lot easier to hide  my size under a sweater than under a thin shirt. If only the conference was in another month or two, so I had a chance to lose another 10-20 pounds!

And the masquerade-- the friggin' 1920's themed  mystery dinner theater. Lord help me.

Other than the masquerade dinner, the conference is casual. So I have my dress, hose and shoes for the dinner. I have two pairs of jeans and a pair of capris for the other days. I have work out clothes in case I have the wild desire to exercise. I need a couple of nice shirts to wear with the jeans, and maybe a sundress to wear if we go out for drinks one night, and something to wear when lounging around the hotel....

Dang, I'm going to need to pack like four pairs of shoes. Good thing I'm checking my luggage.

weight loss while travelling

I'll be leaving soon to go on a week-long conference for work.

I know from past years that these conferences are very difficult if you are trying to eat healthy and lose weight. They give you three big meals a day, plus snacks are available all day long. There's an open bar at night, and the food is... not the healthiest.

Two weeks after my conference, I will be going to Las Vegas with some friends for a girls weekend. More food and more drinks.

These events were planned months ago. When I decided to go on this weight loss journey, I told myself if I had a really good January, I would allow myself to splurge in February by not worrying about what I ate or drank, and then I could get back on track.

I had a really good January.

But do I really want to undo all the hard work, just for a couple of days of fun?

No, I don't think so.

I think I'll be ok, not drinking any coffee or soda. I know they'll have water and tea. Limiting myself to one cocktail in the evening might be tough-- let me tell you, the people at these conferences can drink! But still, I think I'll be ok.

Meals will be harder. Meals are eaten with the group. I remember breakfast being served buffet style-- eggs, breakfast meats, potatoes, lots of pastries. I don't remember any vegetables, but I think there was fruit. I think I'll be ok with that. I'll eat eggs and wheat toast, maybe a banana.

Lunches were either a working boxed lunch (like a Panera sandwich, chips, and an apple), and I think one day they served grilled chicken and burgers. I think that will be ok, too. I don't remember there being a salad option, but there must have been. I can eat my burger and my panera sandwich with no bread, pass on the chips, look for salad.

Dinners were.... gosh. I don't really remember. I think there were some carving stations, so that should be ok. I remember there being a taco bar. Lots of rolls, cheeses, cold cuts. Again, I don't remember there being any salads or vegetables, but there must have been. Maybe I just passed by them last year, because who wants to eat vegetables?

I think if I can remain flat, and just not gain any weight that week, I'll be ok.



 

I want to be the only one

My husband went to the grocery store the other day, getting our groceries for the week. Part of the key to weight loss is planning ahead, so we make our menu for the week and then buy all the groceries at once.

As I was putting the groceries away, I noticed that he didn't buy the case of beer that he normally buys each week. "Hey Babe, where's your 805?" I asked.

My husband informed me that he decided to quit drinking. "You're trying to lose weight, and I support you," he said. "You've been working hard, so I wanted to try, too."

I don't know why, but this kind of upsets me.

I love that he supports me. But I'm doing so well, and now he's going to stop drinking beer and probably lose 20 pounds in one weekend. I don't know why this is so bothersome to me. Why can't we both ose weight? Why can't we both be successful?

I don't know, but we can't. I want to be the only successful one.

This makes me want to eat a whole can of Pringles.

Eating Dinner at Someone Else's House

We went to my parents' house last night for my stepmother's birthday. This was the first time we had seen them since Christmas.

They didn't know that I was trying to lose weight, nor did they notice that I had lost any. But that's ok. I'm so tall, that you really can't tell I've lost anything until at least 20 pounds.

Because this was my stepmother's birthday, she got to choose the menu. She chose spaghetti, chicken with a creamy mushroom sauce, and an ice cream cake with red velvet cake and chocolate ice cream.

I needed to eat, and I couldn't bring my own food. So, what do you do when you're eating at someone else's house  and you're at their mercy? Here's what I did:

* I filled up on salad. My grandmother always makes a salad with every meal, and it usually goes untouched. I filled my plate with lettuce, tomatoes, avocados, and all the other yummy ingredients in the salad. No dressing needed-- the avocado had enough fat to break down the lettuce.

* I kept my water glass filled. My family must think I am a huge drinker. My grandfather had a glass of champagne waiting for me when I arrived. That was ok, I had planned to have one glass, and I had budgeted that in to my day. But 30 minutes later, my father wondered why I hadn't refilled my glass. Then my stepmother wanted to give me a glass of wine at dinner. When I said no thank you, my grandfather accused me of being a "fuddy duddy." But I kept my water glass filled at all times and sipped and was a lot easier to pass on a second glass that way.

* I had a little of everything. I'm not rude. If my grandmother spends all afternoon making spaghetti and meat sauce, you better believe I'm going to eat some. But nobody said I had to eat all of it! I had a serving spoon full of spaghetti, half a chicken breast (with the delicious mushroom cream sauce), and a whole lost of salad. I probably had half of what the other adults had, but it was still enough to satisfy me.

* I enjoyed dessert. Did you think I wasn't going to have a piece of birthday cake? Most of the time, I don't even LIKE sweets. I'm more of a salty Pringles girl. But it was a party, and I had a small slice. It was the best ice cream cake I had ever had.

So that was how I enjoyed my evening, without any guilt!

This is why I probably shouldn't exercise

So, it was the first of the year, and I made this vow to eat less and move more. We didn't have anything planned for the day, so I asked the kids what they wanted to do.

My daughter had just received a new pair of roller skates for Christmas, and she wanted to go to the rollerskating rink. Cool, we can do that. I used to be a pretty mean skater back in the day. Of course that was 20+ years ago, but I figured it was like riding a bike, right?

We went to the rink, and my daughter started skating right away. My son is not a skater, so he took his time around the rink. I stayed with him for the first couple of rounds, while I got my skating legs back, and then I started skating on my own.

Let me tell you: It IS like riding a bike! It all came back to me! How to bend, how to turn... I even spun around and did some backwards skating so I could talk to the kids! I was an expert! And I bet this was GREAT exercise! I had visions of coming to the rink every weekend.

There was a boy skating in front of me, going pretty fast. I remembered when I could go that fast! I started to pick up speed, and soon I was overtaking him. Look at me! I'm Awesome!

And then.

For a good 10 seconds, I wasn't falling yet, but I was ALMOST falling. What do I do? Tuck and roll! Fall to your knees! No, I can do this, and I can keep my balance..... 

CRASH!

tuck in your fingers so no one rolls them over.... roll on to your knees to you can get up.... Get up before anyone comes here... good Lord, how is a 240 pound woman supposed to get up quickly?

By the time I was standing up, there was quite the crowd around me. I skated my way off the rink and went to sit with my husband, who came with us but was smart enough not to put on skates.

"Did you see me fall?" I asked.

"No! And I'm so upset I missed it! I would have filmed it! Describe it for me! Did you yell 'ARRRRGH!' as you came crashing down? Can you do it again? I want to see it!"

He's so supportive.

all three of us... before the fall

I came home with a bruise on my knee (which is weird because I thought I landed on my bottom) and a bruise on my wrist. By the end of the day, the pain had radiated to my shoulder, and I could barely walk.

My husband was pretty upset about my wrist. "You could have broken your wrist! I TOLD you not to put your hands out when you're falling!"

Like I had any control whatsoever.

I took Advil for the next 4 days, but obviously nothing was broken, so there was no reason to go to the doctor. Besides, as my luck would have it, my health insurance changed in 2017 to a high deductible-- totally my luck to be injured on the very first day of the new plan!

Caffeine Withdrawals

I think I mentioned that I quit caffeine. I take creamer in my coffee, and since I'm trying to give up on sugar, and caffeine and artificial  sweeteners really aren't that good for you, anyway, I decided to quit coffee and soda... at least for now.

I was ok at first. It wasn't until day 2 or 3 that I really thought I was going to die. I thought I had the flu! My muscles ached, I had a headache, I was just not ok. I went to bed at 7:15 that night.

Luckily, I didn't have the mood swings that people talk about.... or maybe my husband was just very afraid of me and stayed out of my way.

Now I'm on day 11, and I'm feeling like myself again! Woo hoo! Here's what worked for me:

I drank green tea (which has some caffeine, but less than a cup of coffee) for the first couple of days, to try to gradually wean myself off, then switched to completely caffeine free tea.

I switched to sparkling water. When I drink a soda, it's because I crave that fizzy burn going down my throat. Sparkling soda water does the same thing. No calories, no caffeine, no sugar. Good stuff. My brain thinks it's drinking a Diet Pepsi!

I powered through. I read somewhere that only 50% of caffeine drinkers experience withdrawal symptoms, and only 50% of those people experience a headache. Count me in that group. My headache was terrible! I was on Advil (for another matter that I guess I'll talk about on Friday), but it did absolutely nothing for the pain. I ended up just going to bed-- only the darkness helped. But I felt a lot better  when I woke up. The very worse withdrawals only last for about three days, so the best thing to do is to power through!


Have you given up on coffee and soda? What works for you?

Motivation

Hi. It's been awhile. I don't know if I'm back, I'm just writing. 

 Before the new year started, I told myself I was going to enjoy the week between Christmas and New Year's, but then on January 1st, the crap food goes away. 

 Today is day 3. I'm doing good so far. But I also know that there may come a day in the near future when I just stop for some unknown reason, and then before I know it, I'm back to square one. 

 I need some kind of motivation.

 "You don't need to lose weight," my husband said. "You look gorgeous. I just want you to be happy. Remember that night you wore the black dress? You were happy then. So you were, what? Like 10 pounds less than you are now?" 

The Black Dress

I remember the night of the black dress. That was on our anniversary, six years and 50 pounds ago. I told him as much. 

 He was shocked. "No way was that 50 pounds. If you lost 50 pounds, you would look sickly." 

 No. I would look like a sexy girl in a black dress. And I would still want to lose another 20 pounds.

 "OK," my husband said. "How about this. You get back to the black dress size, where you looked like you were really happy with the way you looked, and we'll go on a cruise. OK?"

 OK.

I don't own the back dress anymore. I tried it on about a year after I wore it and I ripped it as I was trying to get it over my hips. Instead of trying to repair it, I  threw it away in tears of frustration and disappointment. But that's ok. There are other black dresses.

And I was happy that night. That was September of 2010,  after 5 months of steadily losing weight. I had lost 40 pounds since that April. I was proud of my accomplishment.

Now I need to lose more, and I'm older now, so it will be harder. But I know it can be done.  

Perhaps I will start using this as a weight loss blog....