Dilemma

You wanna know a secret?

We're thinking about moving.

We've actually been thinking about it for like two years now. Longer than BK's been alive, we've been thinking about it. The Agent's headquarters are moving to Illinois, and we have to either move there, or get out of the business. We've known this was coming for awhile now, and it looks like the end is near. His company wants The Agent to move in July, with me and the kids following by October.

We've lived in California all our lives. Our families live in California. I enjoy the sun. I have no idea how to drive in the snow.

We own a home in California. Well, a bank owns it, we make payments to the bank, and they let us stay there in exchange. It is worth approximately $100,000 less than what we paid for it 8 years ago. Friggin' California. We can't sell it, or even rent it out, without taking a huge loss. We would have to find a place to live in Illinois, even if it's a rental, and paying for two houses every month would be very difficult. It seems that houses in Illinois are not experiencing the decrease in value that we have to deal with here, and a comparable home will cost what we originally paid for our California home. It is likely that we would eventually lose our home in California.

There are no jobs in California. We hear every day on the news that we are living in a dead state. We thank our stars every day that we both have well paying jobs. But if we don't move, The Agent will be jobless, with no prospects of finding a new job. I don't know that we could pay the mortgage, along with all our other bills, on just my salary. It is likely that we would lose the house eventually, even if we stay here.

Would I rather be homeless in Sunny California, or the Windy City? Hmmm.... no brainer. At least I'll be tan here.

If we move, I might be able to transfer, if there's an opening. There is an office that's within 30 minutes of The Agent's new office, so it is possible. I don't know if they need anyone, and with my recent career drama a couple months ago, I don't know if I'd even get a recommendation (although that was something from personal life that drifted into my work life.... it didn't in any way affect how I performed my job, so jury's still out on that).

We have warned my father and stepmother that this was coming, and they were understandably very upset. They do not want us to move. They said that family is the most important thing, we must always stay near the family, everything else will be ok as long as you have your family around you.

(I haven't told my mother yet, that would straight send her off the deep end)

The Agent does not want to move. He likes our house, he likes the town that we live in, dead that it is. He doesn't like the snow. He doesn't expect that he will like the requirements of the new job (he will have to do more off all the stuff he likes least, and less of all the things he likes about his job.) He would rather stick it out here. He can be a stay at home dad for two years and we would be ok on the income he could take in from unemployment.

The max on unemployment, I believe, is 90 weeks. So what happens after that?

I don't want to move. Moving is a pain. Everything we know is here, and change is scary. But here's the thing:

The man I'm married to must have a job.

Do you have any idea how upset I will be every single morning when I get up to go to work and he rolls over to go back to sleep? Or when I come home from a hard day at work and find that there's dishes in the sink, laundry on the couch, and the kids are still in their pajamas? Or if I refrain from buying a sweater but then I see that there's a 12-pack of beer in the fridge? Oh, no. That doesn't work for me. You gotta have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me.

And I'm not even saying it will be his fault. He'll look for another job, I'm sure. But he's been an Agent for 20 years. That's all he knows. And his field is very specialized. It's not like my job, where I could apply at one of 40 different companies, and work in one of a hundred different offices. No, there's like maybe 3 other companies who need someone like The Agent. In the whole country. And what is he going to do? Go from being a CIA agent to having some.... I don't know, some REGULAR job? He would never be happy with that.

So, I am in favor of moving. He keeps his job, I can get a transfer or go to work for a competitor, we make new friends, I would know that my parents would definitely call first before popping over. Everyone's happy.

Well, except for my parents. And The Agent. And the kids probably wouldn't be too thrilled. And it would probably be cruel to even take the cat.

Sigh. I don't know.