After Christmas, I came back to work and thought that The Agent’s escapade would make a humorous anecdote for my friends.
(I must learn not to do this. This is clearly the reason why I blog-- so I don’t have to tell the real world what an idiot The Agent is)
My friends did not think it was very funny.
“You waited until 9:30 to call him?”
“You let him come to bed that night? You didn’t make him sleep on the couch?”
“You let him sleep in the next day?”
Um… yeah, yeah, no, and yeah. It wasn’t really that big of a deal.
They thought it was a very big deal. But the biggest problem they had was with how the story ended. “So, you went to your Weight Watcher’s meeting, you came home, and then what?” they asked. “Did you have it out then?”
“No," I answered, wishing I had never brought it up in the first place. “I was over it by then. He was hung over, that’s punishment enough. I wasn’t angry anymore. I made dinner, we watched a movie, it was fine.”
My friends looked at me like I was crazy.
“But Lovely,” one girlfriend said. “If you don’t get mad, he’s just going to keep on doing stuff like this. He‘s going to think this is acceptable behavior. Doesn‘t it hurt you when he acts like this?”
Ugh. Oh, no. They felt sorry for me. And they thought my husband was a douche. It's one thing for me to call The Agent an idiot, but I don't want anyone else thinking it.
I don’t know… I was mad, but it’s not like I was ready for Divorce Court. He’s an idiot, but he was an idiot before I married him. It’s not really a new thing. And what’s the point of getting upset? What does that accomplish? Isn’t it better to just move on?
"Gosh, Lovely," my other girlfriend said. "I wish you were my wife."
I changed the subject after that, but the rest of our lunch was awkward. I was paranoid that they were thinking that I was a naïve and ignorant girl for allowing The Agent to behave the way he did, and I was also second guessing myself. Did I let him off too easy? Is it a big deal, and I’m just used to him acting like this that it has become not a big deal? Or is it truly not a big deal and my friends need to lighten up?
This wouldn't even be an issue if boys weren't so dumb in the first place.
I think it's your marriage and your reacation to the situation that matters. What one person reacts to strongly another might not think twice about it. It's not like he was beating the snot out of you and you just flippingly said whatever. He acted like an idiot and you chose not to get too worked up over it. I've always been told that the theory, "choose your battles wisely" works great for a marriage not just with children.
ReplyDeleteI, personally, would have probably gone to jaile for beating the snot out of him. ;) but then been totally fine with him the next day. Haha but me, I'm crazy. You, you seem not crazy! Oh and the whole beating the snot out of him. I'm joking. Don't want anyone to go postal over that statment!
So long as he knows exactly what he's done and why it upset you so (trust me, guys don't tend to get it straight away, we need telling) and if his apology's sincere then things can go back to normal. Bearing a grudge about it will only make things worse. Just make sure he takes you out to a big apology dinner one night to make up for it, and order the most expensive stuff :P
ReplyDeleteI read it...and was furious for you. If it was a one time thing on a non important night then I can see letting it slide. But it WAS your mom's Christmas which to me means that he does not value your mom. THAT would offend and hurt me. THAT is what I would be upset about. The drinking and losing track of time is immature to me but if he's done this before and you are ok with it once in a while then fine. But it was his clear lack of value he put on YOUR family's holiday that would really hurt me.
ReplyDeleteBut you are right - this is the type of thing you try not to share with friends/family because ultimately YOU forgive him and move on but others may not. And this happens over and over again and at some point these friends and family start to really dislike your husband and you have no idea why.
In the end it's your marriage and you do what works best for you.
boys are dumb. and i get where you are coming from. Chris has done some really stupid stuff. and I'm just like - you are so dumb. and go on. it's not a deal breaker.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'll admit that I kind of thought you let him off pretty easy, but I'm not in the situation and I have come to know you as a pretty darned level-headed person. If you felt like everything was resolved the way it should be, then it was and it doesn't matter what me or your co-workers or anyone else thinks you "should" have done. Because, really, we don't know. ;-)
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